Japan 2017 – part 1

It’s been a while, i am currently sitting next to banana-chan on the bullet train and i thought i’d write about how our trips been going so far.

Its been alright.

The End.


We are actually currently sitting on the shinkansen heading towards Kyoto, the second leg of our trip. But i think i’ll start from the very beginning of the trip, since stories should usually start at the beginning (although, great stories dont start from the beginning….)

*Anime voice over voice* “On this episode of the powerpuff girls, Adventure three. Somebody gets sick!! Could her toe be fractured?! …spooky voices in the dark forests, and lot of naked bathing… stay tuned to see what happens next”

11th October.

A day before our trip, i had forgotten to put in my leave for this day and so i was shifted on for a small shift in the middle of my day. Nathan and i had gone around to do a few more errands we needed to do before we left, then we rushed home and i started putting blue dye in my hair. i thought that since i was going away, i may as well do crazier colours, and throughout my trip, i was hoping to go green!!!
i didnt get time to finish off my hair before i had to go to work, i went to work with dye in half my hair, tied up in a bun and into my little hat.
Work was lovely as usual, customers were super nice to me, a few people told me i was beautiful, made me wonder why i was getting a lot of attention today, but i think it was because i was smiling a lot.

after work had finished, Brittaney and Courtney came over to help me finish off my hair, and we headed out to La Tratt for Courtney’s early birthday dinner with Loc.

After dinner, we went home and packed. i hadnt yet packed because i spent the past couple of days bleaching the pink out of my hair and taking photos of the clothes i was wearing. I bought an app on my phone where i can sort out what outfits im going to wear each day so i can pack accordingly, it took a longer time to set up, but it just means that once i was finished, i knew exactly what to pack, and i didnt need to decide what outfits to wear during my time there. i think im going to start using the app when i get home also to reduce shopping.

Loc came by for a bit then left for us to get a bit of sleep.
We got up at 3.30 to get ready for the bus to come and get us at 4am, but they didnt. My mum called them up and asked what was happening, and they told us they didnt know that they needed to pick us up because i never messaged them. i told her to tell them not to worry about it and we asked Loc to drive us instead. They had told my mum that they didnt get a text from me, when i had messaged them twice in the afternoon. they ended up calling later when Loc was over and asked if we still needed a lift, maybe they finally realised that i did message them and felt bad.

We met up with Lana and Ajay there and left for Carins for a 4 hour stop over then headed to Tokyo!

i listened to “a walk to remember” audio book on the flight, and literally finished the book 2 minutes before the wheels hit the tarmac. We landed at 6.30pm Tokyo time.

We had a bit of trouble going through customs because apparently airbnb is forbidden in japan. so a lady helped us with filling in the form. and other illegal stuff that i guess i shouldn’t mention cause i dont want anybody to get into trouble. and we left to find Lawson.

i had ordered pocket wifis to use in japan, and they were fairly cheap too. $66AUD per device for a whole month, 5G unlimited use, and up to 10 devices connected. i ordered three for a month, and I’ll return them early when we leave since we wont be needing it for the whole month, but ordering for the month was much cheaper than other plans.

then we went to activate out JR passes. and by this time, i was feeling faint because when we landed, it was 22 degrees Celsius, and i was wearing my very very warm robe.

Anyways. we took the train to our apartment and went out exploring for food afterwards. we hit the convenient stores and bought noodles because we didnt want anything too hard/heavy. then set up our little futon beds and went to sleep. the airbnb place i booked was really cheap, it was advertised as a place that could fit 5 people, and when we got there, we were kinda surprised at how tiny the place was.. it was sooo small that if nathan and i werent a couple, things would be super awkward because someone would definitely be sharing beds. luckily we werent here for too many days.

Day 2, 14 october

i had planned a rest day in Tokyo so that we could all recoup from our flight.

after a long sleep, we headed out. we went to a place to eat that was fairly close to our apartment. nothing too fancy, but the first time for my mum and Ajay to try some Japanese food.

we first headed to the Digimon pop-up store because i wanted to do that before the store was no longer there. i was so lucky to be able to visit in the two weeks that the store was there though, but not lucky because most of the Matt stuff was already gone.

i was pretty darn sad, because there were so many Matt stuff… but i guess i should be okay, once i get to Nakano, i will hunt for my Matty-chan.

Un-Offical mascot.

we then went into some camera shops and played around in the toy section for a bit buying some little items from the gacha machines they had.

we then headed to Shibuya to see the crossing and Hachiko statue. I’m not too fussed with all the “landmarks” that japan had to offer, i had already seen most of it when i was here last and most of them have been pretty underwhelming… like “a big crossing where a lot of people walk pass..” i dont know, it really doesn’t sound exciting to me, but the things that do excite me most likely don’t excite many other people in the world. We then ended up at Harry s hedgehog cafe where we got to meet some very adorable hedgehogs.

my mum, the viet that doesn’t know her boundaries, especially with animals, was poking and prodding them, was having the time of her life there.

Lana was touching the spikes and stroked them backwards, and she said that it hurt doing that… lol.

the hedgehog cafe was fairly cheap, so it was pretty good. but i dont think i’d ever go back. i like the concepts of cat cafes and dog cafes when they are of cats that have no home, and people coming to visit these cats keep them fed and medicated with the admission money. but the hedgehogs seem as though they were only there to be peoples play things. The people next to us dropped them, accidentally…. but still.

after the cafe we walked down the main shopping street of Harajuku. It is also not as amazing as everybody makes it out to be, but i knew that from the first time i was there. But i do still like the street, i bought some cute and super cheap accessories that i’ve been wanting for a while, but could never justify the price, and we had to buy umbrellas because of the rainnn…. it had been raining all day.

we went to get some soba noodles for dinner then headed home. Nathaan went out afterwards to continue exploring.

Day 3, 14th October

We got up early, and had to get to find our car rental place. I had booked the rental at a station close to ours, a station i was a bit familiar with, but when we did get to our airbnb place in Koenji, we walked passed so many car rental places, including the Toyota one that i rented from… and we kept thinking how much easier it would be if we could hop into the car there and jet off on our adventure. It took us about 20 mins to find, and then another 20 mins to sign papers, and try to communicate with the staff because they had limited English. I was getting nervous because i had never driven in another country before, and i cant read Japanese to know what most the street signs say.

i rented a little 7 seater, and by little, it was pretty little… but it was new, and niceeee… i think it’s only ever done 4000km before we got to it.
on a side note. They went around the car with me, and made sure that i checked that the car had nothing wrong with it on the outside, then signed some papers saying that we had checked the car. And you have no idea how much better a system that is. One time in Melbourne, we all rented a car in Loc’s name since he was going to be driving, and we didnt think much about it. then at the end of the trip, they had told us that there was a nail in the tire that we did, but no body checked the car before it was given to us, they didnt have proof that we did it, and we didnt have proof it was there before we drove it.
so now before i take the car, i usually take a billion photos of the car I’m renting before i rent it. But this time, they checked with me, so i know that no ones gonna fuck me around.

it was really nice and strange driving on japan roads, much easier than i than anticipated, very similar to the roads we have in Sydney, but i think its actually much easier to drive around in japan because they have markings for everything, like if you want to turn left into a big highway, but you want to edge out a bit past the lights, there’s a line marked for where you can drive up until for you to be ready to go, but not be in the way of the cars on the opposite sides.

We headed to Hakone. the roads had a lot of tolls, but the roads were also soooo nice to drive on. everything was smooth, there were no pot holes or anything in the way… it was so good, you have no idea. on the way to Hakone, we had set the GPS up to head towards an art attraction, but on the way there, we had stumbled upon a glass museum.

so instead of where we were suppose to be heading, we went there instead, and it was really magical.
Almost everything was made of glass.

While walking through the hallways in the museum, we heard music, and we just thought that it was coming from some speaker or something, but as we walked through, the music kept getting louder and louder.. it turns out to be a man from Italy playing the violin. i bought a CD from him, but i dont know where i’ve left it at the moment, so i also dont know what his name is at this current moment.. but he was wonderful.

After the museum, we went to Hakone Aquarium. it wasn’t the best aquarium, but it was something to do.

there was this thing we saw in the aquarium that i found really interesting, and that was that they had found a way to dye the skeleton of an animal, and then turn their flesh transparent that you could then see everything else inside.

And when the sun was about to set, we headed off to our hotel near Mt Fuji.
It was a long dark very very foggy drive through the mountains for an hour or so to get to our hotel.

We saw a look out that had the view of Hakone at night all lit up with the towns lights. Nathan and Ajay went out to take photos, while Lana, mum and i stayed in the car cause we weren’t bothered enough. All of the sudden, out of no where, Ajay and Nathan runs into the car, slams it and Ajay yells “DRIVE NOW! WE NEED TO GO” And we just drove.

Ajay and Nathan were saying how they suddenly heard this scream, or screech, just some sort of high pitch noise, and when i thought about it, i did hear it also, just faintly from the car cause the car and music was still on.

Our hotel was so hard to find, because it was in a tiny little street that wasnt on the maps. We got to the area of the hotel at the time that we wanted to, but then took another hour or so just to find the actual hotel.

Eventually we got there, and unpacked, saw how massive our rooms were, was super excited for that, found out that there wasnt any food at our hotel, or anywhere close to eat, so we went to get some food from 7/11 and popped by a local grocery shop too.

i was telling my mum that i had booked a hotel with an onsen in it, and that we’ll be bathing naked with other people, and she kept saying that she would  never do that, and yet, when we got there, she was the first one to get into the onsen! lol

There was a bunch of Vietnamese tourists there at the time, and mannnnnn i fucking hate them. there are rules in the onsens, like ‘shower before you get into the onsen’, ‘go in completely naked’ Blah blah all these reasons because its for hygiene purposes. And they go in without showering, even though my mum told them to, and their excuse was “we already showered before”, nooo thats not the point though!

and Nathan mentioned that in the mens area when he was there, the viets didn’t shower neither, and was spitting on the floor….


We watched a movie off my laptop with our crew, and went to bed.

Nathan and i shared a room while My mum, Lana and Ajay shared a room, and man,  i was so scared during the night times, cause it was just such a massive room for the two of us. i had to get Nathan to walk to me to the bathroom at night.

Day 4, 15th October

the next day, we were going to head to FujiQ but it was raining so much that there was no point going. so we ended up having lunch at KFC and headed to Lake Kawaguchi for a little bit of sight seeing, and then to a music forest, which wasnt really a forest. it was kinda like the glass museum, but with music, and i think if the weather was nicer, it wouldve been cooler, but it was raining, again… so we didnt get to play around with all the music things they had there that were outdoors.

another movie night, and another store bought dinner.

Day 5, 16th October 2017

Lana was already sick before the trip, but Ajay had gotten sick from Lana, and because of the weather we had been experiencing, she only just got worse. They both stayed home today while we went out to buy them food and heat packs from Daiso.

Then Nathan, Mum and i went to see Itchiku Kubota Art Museum. We werent allowed to take photos while we were in the actual museum, but on the side of the museum was a beautiful walkway.. and i just felt so enchanted by the whole thing.

It was just sooo beautiful.

Dedicated to the work of the late Japanese artist Itchiku Kubota, who revived an ancient style of kimono-dyeing to prominence, the museum spotlights the Japanese traditional garment in a way that makes it more beautiful than it was.” – (https://www.tripsavvy.com/japans-quirky-kimono-museum-4109051)

I thought that was a nice way of putting it.
If you saw the prints on the garments, you would think “okay, sure that is beautiful”, But knowing the way it was created, how much work and detail had actually gone into it, it just seemed more beautiful that way.

Lana ended up having massive FOMO (fear of missing out) while we were gone, lol.

Day 6, 17 October 2017

By this point in our trip, we were really fucking bored.

We had planned for so much nature stuff, outdoors, where we didnt need to spend money to do something.. but because of the weather, everything we wanted to do outdoors was cancelled.

We booked so many days here because there was so much we wanted to do, but because we couldnt do anything, it just seemed like we were stuck in this place that got pretty boring.

Anyways, so in the morning, i told Lana that it might rain our whole trip in japan that we might not be able to get dressed up in kimonos and walk around the streets of japan.. so that if she wanted to, she could get dressed up at our hotel and we can take photos.so we did.

we drove back to Hakone and checked out the open aired museum that reviews said was still good in the rain.

I think by now we’d seen so much of everything else that was really impressive that the museum didnt seem that interesting.
but there was a bit of a nature walk there that was beautiful.

the museum then ended with some interactive things. the one i loved the most though was for 300 yen, you could buy a little I.D. card.

“Blinking ID photo proves your existence the moment you close your eyes”


On our way back, we went to see the tori gate in the lake at Hakone.

we were lucky that we got it just in time, because the sun had been setting on our walk to the gate. (although you cant really tell in the photos) but it was like 5-6pm at this point, and it was super dark.

When we got home, we played pool in our hotel.

Lana and i were pretending to have short T-rex arms, and we couldnt stop laughing about it.

Day 7, 18th October 2017

Today we pack to leave Mt Fuji, and head back to tokyo to return the car, then head off to our next leg of our trip in Kyoto!

In the morning, ajay had messaged us all excitedly that MT FUJI WAS HERE!!!

the whole time we were there, we couldnt see mt fuji at all because of all the cloud and rain. but right on the last day, there Fuji-san was.

So on the drive back, we got to get some photos with Mt Fuji.

also, i didnt realise that the hotel we stayed at was sooooo close to Fuji-san. it had been hiding all this time so i never knew how close we were to it, but we were soooo close!! which was awesome.

It was a beautiful drive back, because it was finally sunny!!!

we got back to tokyo at about 11am, and werent due to return the car until 1.30pm, but we literally could not find the whereabouts of the car rental place, and we literally drove for around and around the place and returned it at 1.20pm… like.. we were that lost.

it was because the rental place was underground somewhere, and the GPS showed us to a certain area, which wasnt where we were suppose to go.. and it was just so complicated. nevertheless we returned it. payed for our tolls, which was quite a lot. for the 4-5 days, we ended up paying $100 in tolls.

We then met up with Tommy and his girlfriend at the station for lunch just before we left for kyoto.

And here we are. Sitting next to banana-chan on the train.

To be continued.


End of 2017

The end of this year seems so weird to be honest.

The thing that gets me is that i feel like i have no time to do any thing, and i wonder why that is, why do i feel like i have no time for anything, but yet, i have 10 mins to look at my phone and skim through memes and stupid videos on facebook and tag people, i even feel like i dont have time to reply properly to people on messager now yet again, i am still on facebook tagging people in memes and stupid videos…

And then i think about the fact that its not just me, i think we all do it right??

I think now, people are so being something significant, or doing something significant that we run ourselves down so easily and so often that we end up being mindless zombies in front of our phones because its easier.

but the reason why i mention this is that i keep thinking that i wish i were able to blog about everything and anything, but i just havent had time to sit down and write, and i really miss it. but i guess at the end of the day, if i had to choose between living my life, trying to do the other things i also want to do, as well as spending time with the people around me, compared to sitting on the computer blogging, i wouldnt choose blogging.

So, its that time of the year.
My previous recap blogs are here, if anyones interested. https://chapter2020.wordpress.com/2016/12/30/the-end-of-2016/

And i’ll try to make this short and sweet.

This year started out pretty well, with Everybody coming over to celebrate Nathans birthday. It was actually really nice, and sure, it was just a birthday… but it was such a big thing for us because it was the first time celebrating Nathans birthday here in Sydney with all his new friends. So it was nice to see the amount of people that came and made him feel special and loved. I think the biggest part was that they didnt come because of me, but for him.

Nathan got a job at CBA! and this was just an amazing thing because he had worked so hard, and just watching him jump from unemployed to where he was, it makes me so proud of him.

My brother was renovating his room, so he stayed in the spare room a bit, and again, its not a big thing, but it was funny having him in the house again as oppose to him staying in his room down step.

During this time, My dad sprung awful news on us, and we’ve been shitting ourselves over it since.

Nathan had his bux in Brissy. Left me for a few days.

Nathan started shooting with film. And i had started to do more photoshoots.
I had been complaining about the quality of photos he had been getting, while i was out there setting up photoshoots for myself, and so i told Nathan to start using my film camera, and take it all back to the basics where you didnt need to spam the camera with 101 shots just to get one decent photo.
And so he took that advice, and focused on the fundamentals. While i tried to set up at least a photoshoot a month, which was going really well at the beginning of the year, until we got married, and got really busy.

Just before the wedding, Nathan got a new CBA job.

We got married!

I cant exactly say it was the best day of my life. But it was one of the best decision i’ve made this year.

This isnt a big thing for many people but me… but i finally got the Watercolour sets that i’ve always wanted.. i havent had proper time to use them… but it just means i now need to make time to use them!!
But i am super happy that i got this set of pencils for my birthday from my beautiful friends, and a watercolour paint set i’ve been dreaming of since forever for xmas! =D

Its such a big thing for me because i always always always buy cheap products first, until i know i’ve mastered it until i go out and buy the full version.
and thats an accomplishment for me because i know i’ve well with watercolours 🙂

I was in a fashion show.

This year, Erika asked me if i wanted to be in a performance.. and i said yes. i usually say no to things like that because i have massive stage fright, and i am.. super shy…
But i told myself that i will do it.. i will conquer that fear, and i will go out and do something i normally wouldnt do because i shouldnt say no to things our of fear. its not a good enough excuse.

i didnt end up doing the performance because of… political reasons… oddly enough, but i did end up helping out in a fashion show this year 🙂

I didnt think i did well, but it wasnt the point. The point is that i did it and met amazing people in the process.

We visited brissy!

I decided that i wanted to make a bath range, and started off with research and development with bath salts!

The reason why, i guess there are many reasons..

While i was living in Thailand with Stella, She took me to meet all these people that were entrepreneurs, and they just seem to live in this world thats outside the box.. and it was just something i wanted to do.. something i wanted to be.

i just wanted to create things, something i could use to make people happy as well as create something bigger than i’d ever had thought i could.

More on that later i guess.

My nude photos finally came in!

and oddly enough, now a lot of people know what i look like naked. Lol.. its a weird feeling. but at the same time, i dont care cause i look amazing lol

We went to the snows!!

my baby Bun died. And i am still heartbroken about it still..
I still call her name even though we have a new dog now.

Things with my dad got even worse at this point too. and police were involved. and it just sucks balls.

Finally got to travel to japan, Finally got to travel with Ajay and Banana, and Finally got to take my mum on an adventure.

Experienced Halloween in Japan.

Visited a new country! South Korea!

One of my brothers best friend was found in the creek after being missing for 4 days.

Got a new puppadum.

i had been depressed for ages because of the loss of Cun, and also at the same time, because we have been trying to conceive, without any positive results, that we had been searching for a new dog for ages. and then she popped up on our newsfeed.

And i guess lastly. We started selling our products, selling over $700 in 3-4 days.

Sure, its not much, but mannn we literally weren’t expecting anything at all.

I literally made everything to gift to my friends for Christmas, but we got buyers.. and they all ended up being sold out, so now my friends gotta wait until we make more. lol


My conclusion for this year is that for me, this year was pretty shitty.
Sure there were a lot of awesome and exciting things, but everything else behind the scenes, they were so bad they outweighed everything else nice about the year…
This year was still a good year though… it was just really tough.

My new years resolution for next year.

– I want to draw more, i want to be able to do illustrations. to the point that i can sell them, or do fan art.

– I want to officially launch and produce the products that i want to produce! i want to make it big enough that i can use our profit to donate to charities

– I want to take more time off to focus on myself… now that i know what i want, i just want time to do it.

i dont know what i really want to accomplish to be honest too.

Maybe save up for a new doll??

Maybe read or write more again?


Anyways, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year guys!

R.I.P. Cun

Two of our dogs had passed away this year, but i never talked about the other dog much before because we actually dont know where he went.

He was an adult when we got him, our family friends got a dog for their children, but they couldn’t look after him because he would mark his territory on anything and everything, all the time, so they left him with us in 2002 after we had moved into our current house.

so we knew that his time was coming soon. he had started to grow weak, and stopped eating as much, we thought it was because he always waited til the other dogs had finished eating before he started eating, and so he didnt get a chance to eat. But we then separated their food so they could both eat, but whatever he ate, he would throw up…
but no matter what happened, he was still always so happy.

Jacky always had this habit when he was younger, when he was able to go out and running, that he would run out of the house as fast as he could and run down a billion blocks just peeing everywhere before he even stopped or slowed down. and it took us forever to try and get him back home again. I remember riding my BMX bike with phuong on it, and then after catching him, her pedaling back while i stood on the pegs of my bike holing my dog. it got to the point where we just stopped running after him, thinking that if he gets caught then its one less dog we had to worry about. (Yes, i was young. forgive me for my immature mindset)
But he knew where home was, and he always came home.

he would always love going for walks, in comparison to the other dogs we had, but he got tired faster as the years went by. it got to a point where he would whine when he got tired, and sometimes it was just a few houses until we got home so i would ignore him, but then he’d jump and pull on my clothes, and one time even pulling on my jeans without hurting me. And everytime i’d pick him up, he’d stop whining and be happy.
Daves uncle had driven pasted us once, and commented that “its called walking the dog, not carrying the dog”
but thats how fussy he was.

Then one day, he disappeared.

We knew he had gone off to die… there was never a time when we didnt call him and he wouldnt come out smiling.

I think that regardless of how i treated him as a teen, not as loving as i was to all the other dogs, that he still had a great life with us. he lived the longest out of our dogs, and i know he was happy, he was always so patient. My parents thought he was dumb because he was such a pushover towards the other dogs, like, both female dogs would tag team him and be humping his face and butt at the same time, and he’d just let it happen. but i think its because he was sweet to females, and i thought it was super funny.

Cún was one of the youngest girls from one of the litters that Jackie had with our first dog Buddy.

We kept her because she was super special. and we named her Cún because we didnt know what to name her.. (Pronounced guon? it’s another word for puppy in Vietnamese)

i think she was everyone’s favorite. She was the one i could bring out to show anyone that came by to visit, she was the most friendly, and most cutest.

After jacky left, Cún got really sad for a very long time. i think she was feeling lonely… because she had always had someone around with her, but now she was the only one left, and so she was extremely lonely.

She stopped wanting to do things, and she just sat there really sad…

We knew that things werent going well for her after that. But when she realised we were there, she would perk back up again, i dont think she wanted us to see her any other way but happy. she would always be wagging her little tail, even when she was scared, or sad, or angry. she was just always partly happy lol.

i dont think i’d ever forget her death. i had woken up early in the morning, thinking that today was going to be a terrible day, and i laid there in bed while Nathan got ready for work, and nathan ran back into the room because my dad had said that some thing was wrong with Cún. We carried her out to the kitchen while i called in sick, and i called my mum to tell her that Cún was dying, and messaged my brother the same thing, and we talked about how we should go and put her down soon. Nathan left for work, and i sat there with my dad talking while she was laying there breathing heavily in her bed.

we were contemplating what to do… because she had some moments where she’d wake up yelping, go stiff, and then she’d be fine again. my brother thinks that she was having nightmares because he’d use to sleep with her on the bed, and she’d wake him up and get scared until he moved her closer to him so then she could see that she wasnt sleeping alone, but i thought she was having seizures because her sister had seizures that we didnt know about.

i think the moment that is scratched into my memory was when she tried to sit back up while we were talking, and then suddenly, she flopped back down, as if something had left her body, and she chocked a little, and then she stopped breathing. her body went soft, all the muscles in her body relaxed, she was just a squishy ball of fat, just laying there.. with her eyes opened and tongue out.

my dad started calling for her to wake up, and was stroking her a bit heavily, and she coughed out a few last breaths, and that was it. she was gone.

it happened so fast.

one moment she was with us.

i was heartbroken for weeks.

i think mainly because even though i did love her so much, there was a moment when i didnt. when i wanted to get rid of her because she reminded me of the first dog ‘buddy’, she looked exactly like her, but she was a push over as well in comparison to buddy’s dominant attitude. i didnt think i could open my heart up to another dog, a replacement, so i didnt love her as much as i should have, but regardless of that too, she always loved me back.

i would always pick on her too, because she was so cute, and when she realised she was being stupid, she would just wag her little tail and smile like nothing happened. i would pretend to throw food, and she’d run around looking for it, i would come home and try to scare her because she would jump so high when she got scared. or even when she didnt jump, her little barks were cute, while still wagging her little tail.

the only time she ever got any bit aggressive was when Jazz would give her bear hugs, then she’d growl, but she’d never bite. i think shes only ever bitten my like, 3 times? and all those times were small bites that wouldnt pierce through a tomato, and then shes be licking me constantly because she bit.

i think because she was one of a kind that it made it hard to let go of. i was depressed for weeks knowing that no matter what happened, any dog we buy, however much money we spend, we’d never find someone like her again.

a few other factors actually. We had dogs for the past 15 years, and now we have nothing… its a big difference, because we always knew that someone was home, someone is there to keep you company and to greet you at the door. my brother would have her as a teddy bear, and she would sit on the sofa and beds with him whenever he’d watch shows, and during last winter, it got too cold for her to stay with my brother so she stayed with my dad in his room, where he would spoil her to the point that she would expect him to do everything for her.

she would scratch the door, and he’d open it for her to go out to pee. then she’d bark at us when she was hungry, and when i scared her, she would run to my dad or brother lol.my dad started tearing her food up for her and feeding it to her, so she stopped eating off a plate and only ate when someone fed her. and i started taking her for little walks down 3-5 houses then back home by the end, she would run out all excited to walk, but she wouldnt get too far before she got too tired.

Having dogs have been the best thing thats ever happened to me.

They have taught me so much. and i dont think i’d be able to cope with anything without them, because they kept me happy, any time i was sad.

they made the biggest difference in my life.



Wedding – Part 3

I had a few people asking me where the next part to the wedding was going to be. its just taken a while to think of how to write everything up without offending anyone. and it really did take me quite a while, a lot of deleting and re-writing.

But this wouldn’t be really me writing if i had to censor everything i wrote just so some people wouldn’t get offended right??? It would just be just as fake as everybody else talking about their (not so perfect) day.

This is just going to be about my reality. SO! if you’re offended, i am sorry in advance.

Anyways, lets start off with all the other things on my budget that i had completely missed!

Hens & Bux

So, while planning the wedding with Dave, i had told my girls that i didnt want anything where i would be the center of attention… funny right??? I tell this to people and they internally laugh at me because not only is it a wedding, where i have to be the center of attention, but because i dress up in costumes for conventions to get some sort of attention… So it is weird. (Here’s my explanation for the cosplaying though, i am showcasing my art, and a character that isn’t myself. usually i dress up as strong dominant characters because that is something i want to be, another thing i guess is, you dont know the difference it is unless you yourself are a cosplayer; the difference between walking up on stage, and walking up on stage as a character. although i have not walked on stage.. because i am shy.. which people also think is a load of bull lol)

But yeah, so no strippers.. i mean, we can have a strippers, but as long as they didnt know i was the bride, cause then they’d make me do things and i dont want to do things!!! (Effort level: Low)

Anyways, after the whole terrible engagement party with Dave, i thought that this time around, i wont do anything for my Hens.

SO, i had no hens.

and a lot of girls suggested to take me out, and do things etc, but i dont like a lot of things. im kinda boring.

i dont drink, i dont like the taste of alcohol, but also cause of religious reasons. I dont dance, at all.. i literally go clubbing and sit outside and wait for everybody to be done…. (But im literally okay with sitting and waiting). I dont like massages, so i dont do those whole spa day things, i dont like people touching me like that, its painful and annoying. I dont like getting my nails done, i swear, i complain so much when people are doing my hair and nails.. I dont care for fancy food, or high tea, i think its all over-rated..

The only thing i thought about that i would be interested in would be life drawing.

All the girls in a group, a naked dude in front of us, and watch the girls shy away when they get to the part where you have to draw their penis.. lol.. that wouldve been heaps fun!

But nah, too much effort to plan, and well.. i didnt want to offend people with penis.
We were also low on money too. i thought i didnt need to spend money on something i dont have too much interest in.

Nathans Bux.

When Nathan and I got engaged, Tommy was telling us about how they were all going to go to Vegas for Nathans bux, and how he was planning something completely crazy and over-exaggerated. Then Tommy got a girlfriend and got pussy whipped, (Sorry Tommy, but its true) Pussy whipped to the max, anyways, so Nathan was asking everybody for ideas for what they could all do, and they ended up settling for go karts. Something that Nathans younger brothers could be there for as well. Seth planned dinner, and Tommy suggested getting a place to stay and play cards and drink..
And i was so upset with that! LOL!!!

I wanted Nathan to have a crazy night, i wanted him to go get strippers, and do dirty things, and hopefully not come home with an STI or anything. but do all the crazy shit because his so friking innocent. So Seth and i were talking about how the other guys didnt plan strippers, and so we planned that after dinner, i would message Seth saying that he has to take Nathan to the strip club or i wont marry him lol.

Anyways, so our plan worked, and Nathan went. When he came home, i asked him about every dirty detail that he remembered lol!! i wont go into all the details, but they all had a good time.

At the end of the day, Nathan and his friends had fun, i got what i wanted and i guess my take on bux and hens is that Yes, you dont need one night before your wedding to do crazy stupid things, i dont believe in that concept at all, not for the sake of doing it because its a wedding tradition and you have to, that it has to be as dirty as possible. But i do believe that if you have a chance to get your good friends together for a night and do something memorable than you should defiantly take it. The reason why i wanted him to go on his bux was because he had moved interstate away from his best friends to be with me, he doesnt get to see them often, so he should go and do something that is centered around him, since there wont be many moments in our future to do so, where everybody is celebrating something just for him. Sure, theres birthdays, but thats not the same.
And why i wanted him to go to a strip club was because i know it would embarrass him, and i love embarrassing him, plus, i love and trust his friends so much, i know that they wouldnt let him do anything so bad that he’d regret it or that would hurt our relationship.

He did however get 7 Strippers. like, when is that ever going to happen again!

But those reasons for him to do all that stuff contradicts the fact that i didnt have a hens, “if i had an opportunity to get everybody together and celebrate, why didnt i take advantage of that??”, its cause i hate being the center of attention that much. i just want to be in the back gound of every bodies lives, you know that weird awkward best friend side character in romcoms? I want to be that person! =D and legit, effort level: Low

i didnt need a hens because, well i guess i have to explain that i usually live on a scale of 8-9 on the happy scale of everyday life. i do, i swear, sometimes it gets to a 10 when i see a cute picture of a piglet or something, but usually im fairly happy and contempt. i dont need significant moments to be happy, or to be around everybody i love at one time to feel loved.

Everything else, is wayyy too overwhelming for me to handle.

Flights: $300
Gokart: nathan paid for his brothers as well. i cant exactly remember how much it ended up costing.

The rest was shouted by his friends, and he stayed over at his dads place 🙂

Update: So we recently went to visit Nathans family and friends, and we got to sit down and talk to one of Nathans married friends. He told us how he had such a great time at Nathans bux, and regrets so much that he didnt go crazy on his own. He ended up going golfing.

it made me more glad  that Nathan did go out and do something crazy. and i guess i would suggest that if  you are getting married, and have amazing friends, go out and go crazy. Within reasons though, Dont do anything you wouldnt want your partner to do, but go and have fun because when else are you going to have an opportunity to be the star of your own crazy night.

Guest list.

Whenever i thought about getting married, i wanted to invite everybody in my life, the people who had made me who i am today. i keep saying that, but i do believe that without the people that had been there in my life, it wouldn’t have shaped to what it is, and i wouldn’t have ended up with who i have. its the whole butterfly effect.

I wanted to invite my doctor because he looked after me so well, and i wanted to tell him “look at me now! im happy and im getting married! thank you for helping me when i needed it”, but as i got a tiny bit more mature, i realise that it didnt matter, that if i wanted to thank him, i should just write him a thank you card.

i had a lot of drama with the guest list while i was planning my wedding to Dave. because our mothers kept telling us not to invite too many.. uhh. Dont take this offensively because it is defiantly offensive and racist. but they said not to invite too many ‘white people’.  Dont take it the wrong way though, it sounds much much more offensive because that is the direct translation. Traditionally, when we ‘Asians’ go to weddings, we give a red pocket, usually the money in the red pocket if over $100.
So the Asians have a system of owing and paying back, You give what is expected, more if you like, and when its your turn to get married, you receive the same amount that you’ve given, then when you go to the persons wedding that was just at yours, you give them the same amount they had given you back.

If you dont, then its just frowned upon, and the asian community gossip. sooo… yeah, thats our traditions.

Im not saying all, but its a custom to bring gifts to western weddings, i read so many blogs about how you shouldnt ask your guests to give you money, and just expect gifts instead. and so my mum and Dave’s mum assumed that we’d make a loss from our wedding.

And yes, a wedding is not about money, blah blah blah, its about celebrating happiness, that blah. lets be real though, if a wedding was about the love and celebration between two people, then why couldnt i just elope? i’d probably regret saying that.

i will explain more about the drama with money later on.

Continuing with my guest list.

the cultural difference didnt stop me from inviting whoever i wanted to invite, i wrote down all my girlfriends and guy friends, and it was already a long list, i wrote down people i want to see again, and people who have a special place in my heart. Nathan wrote down his friends, and we left my mum with about 10 tables (100 guests)

my mum invited a lot of people for the reason i stated before, the whole giving and paying back thing. Some of the people she invited, i had never met before, but most of them were family friends that i had known since i was young, some even from when we were in the refugee camp.

We also needed to figure out who was coming on the friday tea ceremony at my place. because i didnt have enough room for everybody at my place at the same time, also because it was a friday work day.

The Speeches

So, as i have mentioned before, i get very over-whelmed being the center of attention, so this one was a hard one for me; public speaking is ranked one of the top 5 things people are afraid of, and i was one of those not so special snowflakes who is frightened of it.

the thing though is that at this point in my life, i want to be able to conquer my fears, i want to be able to tell people and maybe my future children that no matter how scary something may be, you can do it.

And it does take baby steps.

I had to do a speech for Tinas wedding (i mean, she asked and i said yes because i want to eventually get over my fears). and i stressed over it for a while, i wrote a little speech, something that i know i would be able to handle, and try not too hard to force anything, like, try not to force laughter or force tears from people. Just write something you can read out loud.

And i do this at work as well. i am so not comfortable asking people everyday, every minute, customer after customer, how their day is, because i hate people making small talk to me when they serve me, like.. leave me the fuck alone, i know you dont care about my day. but i told myself that i have to change before i started working, and have to talk to people, i just hated “how are you?” because it just sounded so fake and not genuine. So i told myself that i would try to sound more genuine when i ask people, but i’m pretty mono-toned, so i guess it still comes off fake. But my point to this is that it just takes baby steps, first was to ask how people are, then was to focus on making eye contact with people. Next was to try and smile at babies/children. etc etc.

Anyways, so i wanted to do a speech, i also wanted to incorporate as many people in the bridal party/our friends into the wedding as possible so i asked if Gillian and Tina were able to do a reading and write a little speech as well, and for the reception i got Ajay, Lana, Tommy and Seth to write a speech.
i also asked my parents but they are too shy, and Nathans dad did a speech as well.

They all went really well.

It didnt take me too  long to write my speeches, but it took Nathan forever to write his one, soo long that Scott and i ended up writing most of his speech for him.

Heres my wedding vows.

Nathan, My best friend, my partner in crime and now my husband. We have come such a long way together, and I still cannot believe how things turned out for the both of us. Through the years, I had come to the realisation that things happen for a reason, and our entire relationship proves that that is true. After the darkness comes dawn. And you are my rainbow after the storm. I love you for everything that you are, and cannot imagine my life without you.

I promise to try to be as supportive as I can and be there by your side with every step you take in life, and continue to push you to being the best person you can be.

I will continue to cook you yummy food and keep you healthy and I will continue to be completely adorable when you get angry at me so that you have no option than to forgive me.

And most of all, I will hold you when it feels like the whole world has let you down, and love you when you forget how to love yourself.

On this day, I give you my heart, My promise, That I will walk with you, Hand in hand, Wherever our journey leads us.

I wanted something short and simple. I got teary when reading it.. so i almost cried like a bitch again.

This was Nathans vows.

I’ve had a crush on you since I can remember, all those long nights we spent talking to each other until early dawn when the sun would rise and you would finally start to go to bed, I never wanted to say goodbye, and wish we could talk forever. I’m excited to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m endlessly grateful that I’ve been lucky enough to be there for you when you needed me. Had our paths not crossed, I would have never been granted the privilege of being able to be here today with you.

I thank you for your brutal honesty with me from day one. Though never holding back out of care and love for me, you have motivated me to see my areas for growth, and to get up and chase my dreams.

Before anything else you are first and foremost, my best friend. Most importantly though, you are the love of my life and my heart swells with pride and joy whenever the thought of your smile enters my head. When you came into my life, never could I have imagined feeling as happy, loved and inspired as I do today as I stand here before you.

I have grown and bettered myself so much as a person as a direct result of your kindness, love and support.

It makes me infinitely happy that we can just be ourselves with each other. Every day I fall in love all over again with your adorable cuteness and I feel free to let my inner child out around you without fear of judgement.

I promise to stay by your side, regardless of what life throws at us. I promise to keep our lives full of fun & adventure. I promise to try my best everyday, to be the best person that i can be, to make you happy, and be there for you when you need me the most. I promise to be there with you when life is exciting, and when it gets a little boring. But most importantly, I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever.

He had written a whole speech that.. to be honest, wasnt that great. he sent it to Scott and he re-worded everything for Nathan, explaining everything Nathans wanted to say into something more understandable. then i went in with Nathan and helped him adjust anything to make it more “him”. But when i was reading through it i got really teary cause Scotts words are so nice, i was just thinking “AWWW SCOTTT!!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET!!!!!”

I got Tina to read out this reading that i found.

In the art of Marriage the little things are the big things –
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say ‘I love you.’ at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together to face the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right partner – It is being the right partner.

I really admire the relationship that Tina and Daryl have, and i could say the same for Nathan too, so i thought she would be perfect to stand up and speak about love and friendship because she and Daryl are our inspirations for love.

I then got Gilly to read out a bit from the bible.

Love is always patient and kind;
It is never jealous;
Love is never boastful or conceited;
It is never rude or selfish;
It does not take offence, And is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure In other people’s faults But delights in the truth;
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope.
It is always ready to endure whatever comes.
Finally, true love does not come to an end.

Its the cliche reading, over-done, over used. But regardless of that, i still find it beautiful and true.
Gill made me watch “A walk to remember” with her when we were in high school, and that was what stuck with me from the movie.
i may not follow the bible, but i appreciate religion in all forms, and sometimes they can teach you something simple if you let it.

Reception speeches.

I had written mine one night while Nathan and i were in the car to pick Anya up from her house, we were listening to my playlist, and the song “Canon in D” came on, and its a song that i’ve loved for such a long time, that it makes me feel super emotional when i listen to it, i get into this trance with it.

Anyways, so i ended up writing most of my reception speech there.

Two years ago, My life changed; and when it changed, while talking to a friend, I had a realisation, and that was that I have never felt unloved, and I don’t think I will ever feel unloved. I tell myself all the time that I am such a lucky person, not because I drive the nicest cars, live in a mansion, or have all the material goods that I want. But because I am surrounded by love. So I wanted to thank everyone for showing me that no matter how terrible things can be sometimes, that I am still loved.

I wanted to thank my girlfriends, the beautiful girls in white today, And I wanted to thank my wonderful guy friends too, you know who you are. There’s that saying about being able to count all your true friends on one hand.. or something like that, but that saying isn’t true for me because I am so lucky to be able to have so many wonderful and different friendships. I wish I could stand here and thank you all individually, but I would be here forever. I wouldn’t be who I am today without each one of them. Thank you for being with me every step of the way, for letting me be me and for loving me when I didn’t love myself.

Thank you to Ajay and Lana, My maid of honours, for listening to my complain about everything for the past 19 years. They have literally been there through everything, every embarrassing moment of my life.

I also wanted to thank Nathans Best friends, Tommy and Seth, and all his other friends too. They are the reason why I got with Nathan in the first place.. Not because they were egging us on or anything, but because Nathans friendship with his friends is so genuine, There is an unspoken love between them, a trust that many people would love to have had in their lifetime. And it made me sure i wanted to be with him. Nathan wouldn’t be who he is without them. Thank you to my brother for being my best friend, For always being funny, and never complaining that I was the spoilt child in the family. And thank you to my parents who have shown me love all my life. For keeping me safe and protected as much as they could, but for also letting my go when I needed to fly. For letting me be as weird and crazy as I am and for loving my unconditionally.

And I guess I have to thank my New husband. We’ve been friends for over a decade now, And we use to stay up very late talking to each other, he was always flirting with me, and I was oblivious to it, he would tell me how he was such a cool guy, and how awesome he was at all these things.. and I wasn’t into that. But He was my best friend and I was going to love him regardless of all the lame things he was telling me about himself. One of my friends even told me that I should date him, and I told them.. Noooooo… that is never going to happen… and guess what happened! I’m now married to that lame guy. But to be honest, when I actually got to know him, and I’m guessing this goes to a lot of my friends too who got to know him since his moved down here. I realised that he is actually very gentle and sweet, completely opposite to what I thought he was.

When we started dating, it was only about 2 weeks in that I knew he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I am very very lucky to have him in my life.

And lastly. I wanted to thank you all for coming today and sharing this special moment with us.

I wanted to add much more, but it was already getting too long. but i wanted to thank the girls individually, and i just much much more.

Nathan had a hard time writing his one too because he also wanted to thank everybody. but we didnt want to take too long. We wanted to show off the little bit of Vietnamese Nathan knew, and make fun of my mum at the same time to get the crowd a little more excited since they would’ve sat through 5 speeches before his one.

Sinh chao everybody, Co kheo khong?? I am Dep trai, Me (mum) over there (point to her) me say im number one!

Hi everyone, I’d like to thank you all for coming to celebrate our wedding with us tonight.

I knew this day would come one day, but I had never thought I would be here marrying the girl I’ve had a crush on for the last 10 years, I had to wait 10 years to be with you.

I wish Goong Goong and Por Por were here to have met you, because I know they would have loved you too. you remind me of them a lot, they were always accepting of others, and taught me to be happy with who I am.

I wish I could’ve thanked them more while they were alive, for loving me unconditionally and for teaching me my core values in life.

Dad, Thank you for bringing me up and directing me onto the right path, You gave me a solid foundation to be the man I am today. Even though we’ve clash sometimes, I know your intentions were always positive. I never understood the reasons why you used to be so strict with me in the past, but I do now, and because of that, I’ve become a stronger man.

And to Nhats parents, ca mern me ba. I wish I knew more Vietnamese so I could be able to thank them for everything they have done for me in the short amount of time I have known them.

Thank you for taking me in, and treating me as your own. People always warned me about how bad “in laws” are going to be, but i always tell them that my in laws are the best.

Thank you to all the beautiful bridesmaids today for all your help, and kindness.

I’d like to say a big thank you to my two best men, Tommy and Seth. It was really hard to choose between the both of them for who I wanted as my best man,

but since Nhat had two maid of honours, I thought I’d promote them both to best men. They are complete opposites, but at the same time, they are also so similar.

Tommy, you have always motivated me and have gotten me to do things I wouldn’t have done otherwise, You’re always looking out for my best interests. And I could always rely on you with any of my worries at any time of the day. You are a big influence to my life, and my life would be different without you.

Seth, You are everything that tommy isn’t, like having guts to speak freely without concern of what others may think. You are so down to earth, and you remind me to relax and enjoy the simpler things in life. even after months of not seeing each other, we could always crack open a beer by the poolside and talk about anything.

Most importantly I would like to thank my now wife, Nhat for all the years of friendship we’ve had, for always being supportive and brutally honest…. Brutally honest…. Thanks for putting up with my hungry moods, for always winning my heart with your delicious cooking and for all the generosity you’ve shown me and everybody around you. I love that you can just be you, and not be ashamed of it; and actually encouraging me and everyone else to just be themselves.

Whilst I’m up here, I’d like to thank the wonderful photographer and videographer from The Wedding Gallery, DJ Mike Hyper, The MC Voung Nguyen, Décor-a-shaan, Hairly for the beautiful candy buffet, Shirley for the yummy cake on the candy buffet and the guys running this venue right now. All of their information should be at the Candy buffet if you are interested. And wanted to thank my beautiful wife for organizing this whole event, and hand making everything else you see.


It all went really well, and im proud of myself.
My goal is maybe one day, i could do a tedtalk or something along those lines of being able to stand up in front of all these strangers and talk.

Everything else.

Gonna make this short, cause everything else is already super long.

Scott – Because we were getting married on the friday with a celebrant, we wanted one of our close friends to marry us on the Saturday at the park. And so we asked Scott. He was perfect, He was well spoken, he helped us so much with so many things, and he was just amazing in every way. We were so happy we had him not only be at our wedding, but be a part of it as well.

Airbnb. i wanted the first time Nathan saw me on the Saturday to be when i walk down the aisle, because Nathan lived with me here in Sydney since moving down from Brisbane, we needed to find a place. Sydney Airbnb are pretty expensive. but we managed to find a reasonable one at Cabramatta.

I cant remember anything else to be honest.


The Drama. The Problems.

I cant think of anything else at the moment that didnt have drama behind it, so here we go.

We had a few little dramas with the guest list.

One was whether or not i should invite my ex best friend. So, her and i were close in high school, and we had a falling out, and now we aren’t friends, but we aren’t enemies, we aren’t even acquaintances, but my brother is her brothers best friend, and my family are still close to her family, and everybody from our old high school group was invited, i didn’t want to leave her out or make her feel crappy or anything. She didnt end up coming, which i guess was a good thing, because i had also forgot that there were a few people that went that had beef with her. But it didn’t bother me if she came or not, it would be cool that all of us from high school would be in the same room together again, but that has not happened since high school, and i guess probably would never happen.

My hair!!!

So after the Tea Ceremony, everybody left and i was left alone to do my hair, which i wanted to do.. BUT! the problem i had was the bleach i had did not work!!!!!!!!!!!! it had already oxidized and it was now useless. so here i am… calling Nathan to ask him what i should do?! should i just leave my hair black and do to the wedding with black hair?! but… thats not me… and it doesnt go with anything i planned!

so i had to run to woolies, and buy some box dyes…. by the time i finished, it got much later than i intended. and i couldnt finish putting colour into my hair properly, so the shade of pink i had for my hair wasnt the shade of pink i wanted. and because of the box bleaches, the dye was all patchy too.

So my mistake was worrying about everything else when i should have checked if i had working bleach or not.

In the end, it doesnt matter anyways cause the flower crown covered most of the patchy areas.

Another problem i only saw after the wedding was my chest. Not a major problem though, but it wouldve been nicer.

I should’ve worn a bigger bra for my Vietnamese dress instead of just the chicken fillets. because the dress was so heavy, it pushed my chest down, and so i don’t look as curvy as i would like. eps because the dress itself has a lot of straight lines.

And for my white bridal dress, i didnt alter it tight enough, so i pulled the dress up higher because i was too scared of revealing my chicken fillets… and because of that, it looks like im flat chested with Madonna bras sticking out.

I know its nothing too concerning, and its nothing anybody would notice, its just, i felt like i had wasted such beautiful dresses not wearing it properly to their fullest.


We had a drama when it came to our family. As we all do i guess..

My mum kept telling me what do because she listened to her friends, told me to get an MC for the night, which i was really hoping just one of my friends would do instead. but i am glad i ended up getting an MC anyways, but, we got the MC so that her friends could be entertained, but they were barely listening anyways, so what was the point. She told me to get a band because her friends said to get a band, because thats what you needed to do at a wedding.. eventually, her friend then said that we didnt need a band, and she told me not to get one, and i told her “You never listen to me, you always listen to your friends”.
There were so many more things she told me to do, not because she cared, because she doesnt!! but because her friends said she needed it.

We had problems with Nathans Dad. but i wont get into that our of respect. (not playing favorites with his family, but because we eventually sorted things out peacefully)

We also had problems with my dad, which i also wont get into.

We had problems with Nathans mum and sister. His mum said she couldn’t make it to the wedding because she cant fly due to an aneurysm she had a few years ago, so she didnt go. Which Nathan was angry about because he even told her that he would take a week off work, and drive there to get her, and drive her down here.
Then we had problems with his sister, who asked if she could bring her partner that Nathan doesn’t like (because She told us, that he told her that he could do better than her. Red Flags) But anyways, she loves him and so we invited him.
She eventually told us that he couldnt make it because “it wasnt worth his time”.
Then we kept asking if she was going to come, but she never replies. Nathan gets Snapchats from her, but no reply to “are you coming to our wedding”.
EVENTUALLY! she said she could only make it to the Friday and not the Saturday. We asked why. No replies again.
We had told them ages in advance. She eventually.. im saying eventually heaps because these are weeks apart..
she said that she couldn’t be at the reception on Saturday, just Friday and Saturday morning.
He kept asking why, why did she need to be home in Brisbane at 6pm for. What was more important than your own brothers wedding?
She never told us why. And told their dad that it was because she had concert tickets she got a year ago. But we dont believe it, she posts everything onto social media, but nothing about this apparent concert.
She then complained that Nathan didn’t help her out with finding accommodation and travel. the last time she was in Sydney for work for a few months, she asked Nathan to pick her up from the airport and take her to the place she was staying, and it took him hours to do so, because we live an hour from the airport, it took another hour or so to go to St Leonard, then another hour and a half home from there. Because she said that no one could pick her up from there because they weren’t home.. but when Nathan got there, they were home. and asked why she didnt just take the train like they said. And legit, after that, we never saw her..
That wasnt the part that bothered us, because well, Nathan and i are always busy, We were busy getting prepared for our engagement, as well as everything else. Nathan was working a job with a 2 hour commute each way, and so he literally never had time for anything.
But when she left, their mum told Nathan off for not “looking after his little sister while she was in Sydney”, But she barely replied, and she never came to any events we held.
Anyways, cut back to the wedding. she was asking Nathan how to get from the ceremony to the airport, and Nathan got angry because google is at the touch of our hands..
If i could figure out how to get around in Thailand, a foreign country, which speak mainly Thai that i don’t know any of, then she could figure out how to get around here in her own country.
Anyways, so she ended up leaving after the ceremony… Nothing we can do. but man, its probably one of the most annoying thing that happened at our wedding. If Ajay or Lana couldn’t be at my wedding because they had something “better” to do, than i would just fucking stop having them in my life. Because who the fuck would do that to family.

Anyways, Continuing. His brothers couldn’t be there, and Nathan wanted them there the most.. and Nathan was so sad about it for ages, not angry, just sad. I had to tell him that its forgivable because they are still young, they are just hitting puberty now, so its not something that they are completely in control over. Plus, after the wedding ceremony, what would they be doing at the reception??
So it was okay that they couldn’t make it. But hopefully, We can spend more time with them as the years go by.


Ah. Quite a bit of drama here too…

But im not going to get too into it because there is no point.

Stella couldnt make it to the wedding, because she had an ear infection in thailand, and i’ve flown with an ear infection domestically before, it was horrible. so she didnt risk a 9 hour flight.

Thuy couldnt be a bridesmaids because of certain issues, but im not at all angry at her, it was something that couldnt be helped, but she was wonderful and she was there and happy for us.

Christina couldnt make it to the ceremony because she was organising her sisters birthday on that day… then left early for the reception cause she had something else to do..

And Andelka and i drifted.


Money is always a problem. We were having a tough time because during the time, Nathan was working at cash converters and he had some camera lens come in that he could buy for a shit ton less than we could ever imagine. and so we bought them, we were trying to balance buying things for our business and the wedding at the same time, and it was really tough with all these lens coming in. Who can pass up a +$2000 lens for $600.. No one would!!!

BUT! in the end, after working everything out, everything we got from the wishing well included too, we were able to pay everything off with our own money 🙂
Our parents did give us some money, but we didnt need to touch that, so im pretty happy with it. yay, adulting!

Nathans New JOB!

So Nathan got a new job at CBA literally just before the wedding, and it was only a 3 month contract that he was scared. So because of this, i told him not to take any days off before the wedding, instead Courtney and Britt helped me our on the Thursday before the wedding, and everybody else helped out prior to that. but because of this, he got a bit depressed because everyone else if doing the jobs he should be doing, he didnt feel like he was involved in his own wedding.

What would i do differently?

I would make sure that i had two photographers. Make it known what types of photos i wanted. have a fucking mood board for it because i forgot during the day.

we should have rehearsed with Scott. but again, we were all sooo busy.

I should’ve told Nathan to take a few more days off his job before hand to get ready.

i would’ve just not bothered with some of the girls that i knew were flaky.

i should’ve planned to leave for Melbourne a day after we left so that Nathan could rest. and we could spend time with the people who helped us through the whole ordeal.

I shouldve been more prepared for Shirleys cake, i didnt bring any knives, or plates or spoons, and no one got to enjoy it 😦 or at least, given the kitchen the cake to cut up for everybody.

i shouldnt have bothered making dessert cups. they all got thrown out.

Was it all worth it???

If you were to ask me if i recommend whether or not you should have a wedding, or if i would ever do it again, i would say “HELL NO!”

Weddings cost so much, and its just such a fake show.

I’ll tell you the nasty truth that no one ever tells you. But that after Nathan and i got married, we felt deflated, and we stopped trying as hard as we usually do with each other. We came home from work and argued with each other and we just stopped being in this happy place. And the thing is, its not just me and Nathan, i asked around and everybody has their own stories of a similar nature.

People often say that things change after you’re married, i thought that was so stupid, why did things need to change just because of a piece of paper, or because of a ring, or a title change..
But i dont think thats what changes, i think its the mentality we get. we start thinking about “THIS is who im going to spend the rest of my life with?!”, This person who snors a lot, who leaves their socks all over the floors, and who doesnt clean up after themselves?? (im not complaining about Nathan, those are my bad habits lol my tiny socks are everywhere!!). With any small negative thing that happened, we start questioning, “is this what i want to live with for the rest of my life”, most of the time, they are so small you over-looked them before you got married, or you thought that maybe after marriage, things would change, things would get better, people would change for the better.

Jerin told me that a spark it ignites when you do something new with your partner, and marriage, to most people, thats a new thing, its exciting, it brings on all sorts of emotions, and you get to share that wonderful experience with your partner. But once thats over, we’re all back to reality, we take off our wedding goggles and we see who we are married to as they really are.

another thing that we romanticise about is that regardless of what wrongs we do, that our partners would forgive us and love us forever because that is what they said on their vows during the wedding. That’s when the complacency comes to play, and we stop trying, maybe i wont need to shower this week because my husband would love me regardless of how i smell, or maybe i’ll just stop my diet because he said he would love me even if i got fat, i mean sure, they will still love you, but it doesnt mean you should let yourself go. We have this perception of “happily ever after”, At the end of every love story, they live happily ever after, that’s it. But its not true, that isn’t the end of the story, that’s the beginning of another story.

the problems Nathan and I have stems back from Nathans past, something that he needed to work on alone, something marriage wasn’t going to fix and get rid of. His realization of his perfect life didn’t help take away the pain he felt in his past. I was at a loss, because a part of me didnt want to be there to help him deal with it, because i was afraid that what if he was never going to get over it, We are selfish as humans, and i didnt want to get out of a life that i felt trapped in, into another one. so thats honestly what was going through my mind.

But i am now his partner. And we are slowly working on everything together. It will be tough some days, but if we dont give up on each other, i think we will make it out alive.

We are extremely happy, and i am very lucky to be able to marry my best friend, but i am admitting to you, that i understand that a marriage is not a walk in the park, it takes a lot of work, for the rest of your life.

So if you’re planning to get married, understand that if your relationship was rocky before the marriage, be sure that after you get married, it will still be rocky. If your personal life needs a pick me up, getting married isnt going to do that. the burdens you carry before it will carry over into it. If you have daddy issues, marrying the perfect guy isnt going to get rid of those daddy issues! If you have money issues, fuck, dont get married!!

But im not saying the whole “dont get married, you’ll ruin your life” shit that soo many people have told us as a joke when they heard we were getting married.

honest sincere love does not need to be proven in that way.

Was it worth it??

At the end of the day, we made our families happy. And i got to marry my best friend.

And i can actually say that and mean it because he was literally my best friend. We spent more time talking than i did with any of my girlfriends (not all combined cause obviously they outweigh just the one of him)

Happiness is all that i need.

And food.

Fuck that was long.

I am worth it.

This post is going to be a little bit depressing. But i just need a little time to let it all out, and let it all go.

So, a few weeks ago when i was helping my mum deliver the invitations to my wedding to the guests that she is inviting, we happen to go to my mum’s friends house who lives right next to my ex. I was sitting in the car, and i could see his car… well.. it looked like the car he had when we were together… and i saw him.

and i felt sick.

My stomach turned, and i just wanted to go home, and be somewhere else. it was raining, and it would’ve been impossible for him to see me. and i doubt he even cares if he saw me.

but he still scares the shit out of me.

And for a while after that, i just havent been feeling well.

at this current moment, my life is.. well, close to perfect. But i am happy, and i couldnt be any happier about how things have turned out. Sure there are a few issues regarding my parents that i wish were a little easier for me, but other than that, life is as perfect as it could be.

and i am not dwelling in the past, and not looking back and wishing there was something i could have done to change it.

but i am mentioning the things that have happened.. because i guess… it is better that i ramble on about it rather than bottling it up and crying about it when it gets too tough to handle.

so here goes.

i think the two things that define me and what i want in life is that i want love and i want to make people happy. these are the things about me that havent changed throughout my life. i know when i was younger, all i wanted was to have someone to be in love with, i was a hopeless romantic, and even started writing stories in which my whole imaginary world revolves around people falling in love. i just love love.

And when i got into high school, and realised i wasnt the pretty girl or the cool girl in school or my group, i realised that i wasnt someone that was going to get asked out by the cool guys, and so i guess i was a little desperate when it came to dating.

there was a moment when i was so immersed in my imagination that i told my old best friend that a guy had asked me out when it was all from my stories, all fiction. i even wore a necklace my mum gave me and told her that that guy gave it to me. I was about 14 at the time, i just wanted to be swept off my feet.

When i was 15, i finally got some guy attention, but it was from someone who lived interstate. and that was awesome, but it wasn’t at the same time. i Became friends with a few more guys from high school too, and something i had always wanted was to have a gay best friend, and to have a guy best friend. and i haven’t yet met gay people at this point, so i focused a lot of energy in having guy friends. being that girl that was cool with the guys.

Bare in mind, that this is all in high school, and the person i am now, is completely different from the person i was back then.

So i had this guy friend, who i considered as my best friend. We would talk all the time. He even set up a notification on his MSN, that when i went ‘online’ the song “Big yellow taxi” by Counting Crows would play. I felt special, It was better because not only was i getting attention from my interstate boyfriend, but from my best friend too.

It turns out that he really liked me more than a friend. To the point that he gave me all his savings money to spend with my boyfriend. He had confessed to me, and told me that i needed to choose between the guy i was with, and him. at first, he didnt really make me choose.. but eventually he did. Or then he’d hurt himself.
i cant remember what i did.. i know i was upset. and i know it wasnt what he wanted because for the next few days/weeks/months, he had changed his display picture to a picture of a bloody knife. and told my he has cut himself because i didnt choose him. He told me that the song “You’re beautiful” by James Blunt reminded him of me. And when i would see him, his hand/wrists were bandaged.

That should have been a red flag for me. But again, i was young, Really fucking dumb.. and just loved the attention.. i mean, a guy hurting himself because he couldnt be with me?! that felt fucking amazing, terrible, but amazing!

wait, there are 3 things that define me. Love, Making people happy, and sex.
I loved sex. still do. Not to the point that im addicted that i cant control myself when im around people and need to be having sex with anyone and anything. but that i appreciate it in all its glory, and i cant get enough of it.

At this point, i had really wanted to have sex, i wanted to lose it to my interstate boyfriend, but he couldnt get hard. He had a heart transplant, and blood wasnt pumping to where it needed to be. and i felt sooo horrible. here i was, ready to lose it to a guy that tells me how beautiful i was everyday, and makes me feel like i am on top of then world, and yet he didnt want me. i was crushed.

not for those reasons, but for many other reasons, we broke up, and i ended up with my best friend who cut himself for me. You can imagine how happy he was when that happened. And i lost my virginity to him, it was pretty magical. He was 2 years older than me, but we were still young, and hormones were everywhere and all we wanted to do all the time was have sex.

Anyways. so one day while i was on his computer, i found photos of a girl in my brothers grade topless, 2 years younger than me. She had sent it to him. and he was telling her all the things he tells me, telling her how beautiful she was, that she had an amazing body, etc etc.
when i confronted him about it, he just told me that it wasnt him. and that it was his friend using his computer.

And thats when i boarded the crazy train.

We broke up and got back together so many times. Eventually, we just stayed together, and all i wanted to do was stay with him forever to prove to the world that no matter how bad the relationship got, that we could make it through anything. but we were so bad for each other, it was a toxic relationship and it only got worse.

i was with him for 3 and a half years.

i dont know if i should share all those stories… i had written them up in a separate private blog before, and now that im re-reading through all that, i don’t know.. it sounds so sad and so horrible. hhrmm… i’ll just copy and paste what i wrote last time.

Please be mindful that these are kinda terrible stories. They all happened a long time ago, and it is all over and done with now.

“…He was a gamers, a really really big gamer. And i use to get so angry because he was just so obsessed with games that he would completely ignore me for them, and because i was a bitchy teenager too. He would spend money he didn’t have, doing shit he didn’t need, to impress people on the games that rip on him.. i don’t know, my little mind couldn’t comprehend that. I think what annoyed me the most was that he was never there for me anymore, so one day, i was so angry at him that i turned his computer off while he was gaming, and he just lost it and hit me.

After high school had finished and my parents warmed up to him a little more, things got a little more serious. but things weren’t going so well with me in the career department. i had flaked out on my hairdressing apprenticeship, and i just didn’t know what else to do. People kept comparing me to Phuong, so i followed in her footsteps and got an office job. but it was terrible, and the only thing that made me feel a little bit better was knowing i could go home to see him. but that was so hard too because i couldn’t drive.. so i had to take two trains and a bus to see him everyday.
His grandmother died during this month, i ended up going on anti-depressants because i couldn’t handle things anymore, it was so bad that i ended up taking up his attention while he was grieving because i was just so depressed. i ended up losing my job, i decided to take the whole packet of anti-depressants. it hadn’t been the first attempt of suicide, but it was a big one.
i then went over to his place, made him have sex with me and passed out because of the medication. he rushed me to the hospital and called my parents. and the doctors had to explain to them that i tried to kill myself.

Another moment i remember was when i was over at his house, and we were flirting, but i didn’t want to have sex. so i kept saying no, but he didn’t take that no as a real no, so he kept insisting. He ended up forcing it upon me, and when it was over i just started crying while he gamed.

my friend from high school died. he came over with flowers because he thought it would cheer me up. that was one of the only nice thing i can remember about him.

i never trusted him.. and i would constantly go though his computer and phone, and everything. and i ended up finding more things that i didn’t want to see. i found conversations with him flirting with other girls, watching them on webcam as they touched themselves, him telling them that he lied to me and told me he went to work while he stayed at home to game in peace. i ended up finding a folder labeled limewire. and in it was hundreds of photos of little girls in the nude… standing there and smiling as if they had no idea what was really going on. and when i asked him about it.. he said he had accidentally downloaded it, again, i believed him because normal people don’t do that.. right?

My mental health kept getting worse by this point, i have been going to see many doctors and mental health professionals. And because my health was bad, everything between us was bad. i would argue with him, asking him why he didn’t love me enough, and he would say those sweet things that girls want to hear in order to stay with him.. and i kept listening and staying with him…
i kept thinking that no one would ever love me after this… because if he had loved me that much to have hurt himself over me before… who else would do something like that for me? plus, would i be capable of loving someone else?

we got back together and i overdosed again on sleeping pills after that. and was in a worse state in the hospital. i was then put into a disability program since it wasn’t just depression i was dealing with.

i remember always threatening to stab myself with a knife, and him having to hurt me physically to get it away from me.. and i would get more angry because he was able to hurt me but i couldn’t hurt myself. He had strangled me at one point.

one day, he had told me that he was sick, so i came over to bring him some food and water for him to feel better. he wasnt home and he had left his computer on without his password protection. and i had found a letter left on his desktop; to a girl my brother was talking to. It was a love letter written by him to her, telling her that he couldn’t stand hearing that another man touches her. there were also folders of naked photos of her… i panicked, took a usb and copied those photos over. called him, fought with him and left. i had to ask my brother how old she was, because she was younger than my brother. at the time, i was 18, my brother was 16 and she was 13 and my boyfriend was 20-21.

when i went through his computer, i also found a folder named “Rachael topless”, She was his neighbours daughter. he was in the bathroom, and had seen into their backyard through his little window… and so he took his camera and had taken photos of her. Rachael wasn’t in high school yet.”

For a long time after we had broken up, while i had started dating Dave, and going smoothly with him, He had kept trying to contact me… and i just didnt want anything to do with him, and he just never left me alone…

i got sick of it one day, and i went to the police.. and the police rang him, but he didnt pick up… and after that, he never contacted me again.

I know that there are a lot more i could’ve gone to the police about, but at that time, i had done something illegal that he knew about and so if i went to the police, he would too.

Anyways. My point to all this, all these terrible memories and terrible stories was that every time i think back at my life, i think about how i almost killed myself. That that was one of my goals in life back when i was younger, that when i was 19, i wouldn’t be alive. and i dont think i’ll ever stop thinking about that because now i value my life so much. and i know, the older i get, the happier i am to be alive.

For so long i hate being alive. i kept telling myself that i didnt belong here, that i was a waste of air, and that all these great people would die, and yet, im still here.. all useless and stuff. i had no self worth.

All because i was with someone that made me feel disposable.

But i hadnt felt like dying in such a long time… even after things ended with Dave.


So i started writing that in March, before the wedding. and i didnt think i’d post it because its kinda hard to read. But i think i will, not to try to tarnish his name (i didnt mention his name)
but to shed light on a terrible situation, and knowing that i was able to come out of all that ‘okay’.

For a long time, i struggled with my self worth. No matter what i did, i never thought i was worthy of anything. Every time somebody would ask me to draw them a picture or do something for them, i would, and wouldnt ask for anything in return… but that made me feel even worse because people just took the things i gave them without even a thought afterwards..
I had been taken advantage of so many times because i never thought i was worth it enough to stand up for myself.

Every business adventure i did, i failed at because i didnt think i was good enough to charge what other people were charging. i kept seeing everybody around me pick those business adventures up, and going ahead with it, being really proud of themselves. And i really admired that, i really wish i had that much confidence in myself.

and it took my such a long time to find confidence in myself and my work. i’d say a very long time, but i still feel young, so i guess not that long.

now, i cant imagine being this insecure person i once was.

every time i look at my story, my old self, and everything i have been through, i just want to give my younger self a hug and say that everything is going to be okay. because it is…

i didnt finish this post before because after i had write it, i found my peace, i just needed to let it all out, even though i didnt show anybody.. and then i got married to a guy that even though, can be super selfish, and super stupid sometimes, can make me happy with just talking to me.. and so i got my closure.

i know later in the future, i might have these feelings come up again. but future me can deal with it.

Wedding part two.

the more i think about the wedding, the more i dont want to blog about it because to me, it wasnt the best day of my life, or the most fun, or blah blah blah. it was just a big expensive day. Dont get me wrong, it was awesome that i got to marry my best friend, but like… people make weddings out to be the best thing ever, and its not. its ridiculously over-rated, terribly over-priced, and most of all, the biggest show you’ll ever have to do in your life.

But anyways, So right back to where i left off.

Vendors: Decorator, Music, Photographer, Beauty, MC, Celebrant.

So Decor-a-shaan did our decorations, Photos in the previous blog.
Total cost was $1675
35 chairs – $295 (i think, cant exactly read her writing on the paper she gave me)
red carpet – $90
cherry blossom arch – $450
two flower stand – $100
easel – complimentary
Cherry blossom tree – $500
love seat – $200
set up fee – $75

So when i first met Nita, the owner, she was suppperrr tired. It was a weekday, but she looked like she hadnt slept for days, and she was telling us about how she had a weekday wedding that went on all night, and she looked like she needed a break from it all.

so i knew she was tired, and Nathan hadnt met her yet, so he got really annoyed that Nita didnt get back to us with a lot of things, up until the very last minute. so it was a little stressful, for him i guess. i got a bit worried when it ended up being the last month-2 weeks, and we still hadnt heard anything from her.

So because of that, she threw in the easel for free.

The only problem was, that they brought the easel late on the day, and i had made a mirror frame so that people could take selfies with it when they got there…
but it arrived after people had already gotten their seats. AND! the easel was short!!! not the one i asked for neither.. so it was a bit disappointing.

and, the staff took a long time to pack up as well, so that we ended up wasting a bit of time waiting for them instead of doing more productive things.

Other than that, the decorations looked great. the price was great too. i did not feel like i was ripped off, but i wouldve paid a little extra to get the easel done right.


Wedding Strings.
Total: $750 (3 people – 2.5 hours)

Gillian had them for her wedding, and Neaw had them for her wedding too. They were fantastic then, and now for ours.

Nathan thought they were expensive, and i told him that its three people, which means each person gets $250. and it was 2.5 hours which means each person is getting $100 an hour. Which in the end, doesn’t sound like that much, especially if you consider that not everybody can pick up an instrument and play it.. and even more so, string instruments that would take yeaaarrrrrrsssss of practice.

So, if i were them, would i charge any less for my talents??? Defiantly not.

I hired them for longer than i thought i needed because i really didnt know how long the ceremony was going to go for.

And the only other thing that worried us was that they would not come if it rained and they werent under shelter, because they couldnt get their instrument wet, and you wont get your deposit back because its not their problem that we didnt provide shelter for them. Makes sense, i wouldnt want to get ready for a job, and not get paid for it when it wasnt my fault someone else wasnt prepared for me.

So we were just worried about the weather the whole week before the wedding.. but it was a beautiful day and the ceremony went great.

DJ Mike Hyper.

I talked to my friend Rich, who’s brother is a DJ at a nightclub that we go to, and he does such an amazing job. It wasn’t until i was at a club? in Brisbane that i realise how much of a difference it made to have a good DJ. In the bris club, There were moments when people got into the song, and started dancing, then suddenly, he would switch songs, but there were a few seconds gap between the songs, and in those few seconds, the vibe just died.. and not just that, but going from once type of rhythm to a completely different one just didnt work.
Anyways, so yeah, good DJ’s makes a difference.

Neaw had one for her wedding that was sooo amazing, and we asked for quotes, which ended up being $800

And asked Rich if he knew anyone, and got us Mike Hyper for $600, (matey rates) cause Rich loves me. =D

Mike was fantastic, BUT BBUT BUTTT, this is defiantly not his fault at all, AT ALL!! cause its mine, but i ended up choosing the songs i wanted for the wedding, which mann was a big mistake.

Out of all things i was able to actually make a decision on, i shouldn’t have.. lol

So normally, they would play those really cringy songs for the intros of the bridal party and the parents, but i didnt want that, i just wanted one whole song played through, but mike had to cut the song for intro breaks, and so it sounded repetitive and it didnt work.

Two, i shouldve let him and the MC decide all the upbeat stuff, cause im a chill person, and i wanted a chill vibe.. but like, chill aint fun! this aint a movie! its a party!! lol..

but other than that, i like him, he was really sweet. he thanked me for feeding him, which was nice.

Photographer & videographer

Wedding Gallery
Total: $6700 (includes Tea ceremony: 1 hour video, 3 hours photography. Ceremony: All day video, all day photos. An album & a framed photo)

Neaw and Regan also recommended them, but before they had their wedding. Nathan didnt like their work, i was alright with it, i wasnt sold on it, but to be honest, im not sold on many wedding photographers, wedding photographers pretty much piss me off.
(Here are my reasons cause why not. SO! As a photographer, i know the work that goes into photography, i know the ups and downs to it. I know that some photographers outsource, i mean, not even some, MOST photographers outsource, Two examples, one of my friends hired a guy for her wedding, and met with someone for a consultation about their wedding photos right, then on the day, somebody else showed up instead. i read up on the guys website, and there was a part on it that says that “If you’re an aspiring photographer, come and join our team, experience not necessary, you’ll learn as you go etc etc” So basically, she ended up getting one of those noobs photographing her wedding, and the photos looked nothing like the photos he uses on his website to advertise. Her photos were pretty fucking terrible. Second example was a lot of photographers send their photos off overseas to get processed. take the long tedious work out of it and pay them china rates.
Im not saying that you shouldn’t pay these rates to your wedding photographers and videographers, because the breakdown in that was that was lets say, for example, my photographer & videographer, would be getting $190 an hour; per person for 17 hours.. it sounds like a lot, but im only including the hours spent taking the photos, not the hours spent editing the photos, and i also didnt include the album and frames.
so if they did out source then their pay per hour drops. but if they edited it themselves, then you add another 5 hours or so into that mix. so about $150 an hour.

If you were a wedding photographer, (Wedding meaning that your job is seasonal) And you worked for 14 hours or more straight, i mean, photographers could start from 5am in the morning all the way til midnight, without food. Would you want to be paid any less???

Time is important, but the other thing that is important, is ‘Style’, People pay extra for a persons “style” of photography.)

I really liked Evan; the photographer. He sounded really kind and genuine. He was one of the vendors that got back to us straight away, and kept in constant contact with us. So it was great.
And on the day, i know he and the videographer worked really hard. They barely got to sit down to eat, i know they didnt eat at all during lunch, and barely for time for anything during the reception, so i like them for that. They worked their butts off.

As for their style, i wasnt too impressed. They took beautiful photos, but it wasnt “us”, i didnt feel like i am at the wedding while looking at the photos, they were really dark, and had a vibe to them, but its not the vibe that portrayed us. So its not their fault, we just shouldve gotten people who were more like us… BUT! in saying that, we didnt know what “we” are until we saw the photos and knew that that wasnt us. I also think that they got super overwhelmed by the amount of girls there were, so im not blaming them for me not liking my wedding photos.

They were too dark for me personally… i love vibrant colours.. and a bright mood.

OH!! the other thing  i shouldve done was hire a second photographer.
But the Evan was really sure of himself, that he would be able to do the job on his own, so i trusted that.. and well, it costed another $800… and uhhhh moneeyzzzzz..
BUT! i really really really wished i hired another photographer. Only because my bridal party was fucking massive… MASSIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
And while the main photographer concentrates on us, The second photographer can go crazy with everybody else..

So im sooo bummed that i didnt get many photos of and with everybody else.

But i did tell him to concentrate on getting the guest photos, but now that i see the photos, they were majority guest photos =/ and it kinda sucks.

BUT not much i can do about it now.

Total: $350
PMP Beauty Salon Fairfield.

Neaw organised the hairdresser for me cause her mum is a hairdresser. so i went there. But her mum has broken her arm just before the wedding, so her friend did my hair for me.

My hair wasnt what i wanted, because the hairdresser was Thai, and they didn’t know how to do hair to fit the Vietnamese bridal crown, but it worked fine. i was happy.

And they did a great job with Ajay and Lanas hair.

They did my hair for the tea ceremony, and then Lana and Ajay’s hair for the ceremony.

Eyelash Extentions.
Kyleen’s Lash & Beauty

My lovely Bridesmaid kyleen did my eyelashes for me before the wedding.
Im not just saying this because shes my friend, but i defiantly love her work.

She is super clean and anal, which is a plus for me. Shes very very very gentle, and she gets straight to the point. “Your eyes are small, so the longer lashes might look weird” Or, “dont just go for longer lashes because they might be too heavy for your real eyelashes to handle”, shes honest, and told me straight up that she recommends people certain types of lashes to benefit them, not her. Very genuine.

she even gave me a top up because i sleep on my face and half my lashes fell off..

The day after the wedding, i only had about 5 lashes left.. cause they all fell off… because i sleep on my face lol!!! and cause im super oily…

so i guess lash extentions and me just dont work out.

Cake & Candy bar

Hairly did the candy bar for me, and she charged me mates rates.

Shirley made a beautiful cake for me for the candy bar too, which i was sad i wasnt able to share on the day cause we were sooo frikin busy and DELAYED!! that we couldnt even get to it.

Hairly did just a wonderful job with the candy bar though, she put in too much effort… hahaha, i didnt want to overwork her, cause i personally dont care too much, but she did go above and beyond.

She made cake pops and everything too. i was really happy with it.

Shirleys cake was really delicious, and i had seen her progression of trials and errors, and it was something i wanted to advertise as well cause shes super talented.

i didnt end up giving her the cake topper i bought on time, so she made it herself 🙂

This was the cake provided to us by the reception, excluding the cake topper and flowers.

i threw the flowers on it, and i ordered the cake topper on Ebay ($23) , asking if they could use the font i used for my invitations.

that cake tasted so boring~!!! i really wished shirleys cake was shared around.

Total: $800

My friend Hang had this MC at her wedding, and he spoke fluent Vietnamese and English, and i was laughing through out the night, i thought he did an incredible job. He sorted all of our shit for the reception, and mann that was such a big thing cause it started getting messy by then.

and he was just so funny. After the wedding, some of the girls told me stories of how he was at the wedding, Beryl told me about how he told Beryl that he wanted to wear Beryls dress, then Beryl asked him if he wanted to swap, while they were on the dance floor dancing, and he said “Nah, i dont want to look better than you” or something along those lines.. But he was savage. He was the life of the party haha.

and in the end, he thanked us for thanking him in our speeches.

Total: $450
Leanne recommended her, but i messaged her over and over again and she never replied to me on facebook, and asked Leanne to tell her that i had messaged her, but she still didnt reply…
Then Nathan found someone at cabramatta, and called them up, and it turns out to be the same person i messaged.

so we went with her because she spoke both Vietnamese and English, and we couldnt find anyone else. She was adorable though, very sweet and very well spoken, but she was not organised, and had written my name wrong, and following up was a bit of a hassle.

We didnt hire her for much though, just to sign the certificate for us, and marry us because we were going to do the whole big show the following day with Scott.

But on the day she did great.

Black board ($12 kmart) chalk marker (Officeworks, cant remember price), Learning to write like that, priceless.



Soooo.. This was something i wanted to spend as least amount of money on as possible, because people are going to throw away invites. BUT! i also did not want to use the “free” ones that we were provided by the reception. they were fugly.

I wanted to design them myself, i was planning on painting my own little designs, but time got short, so i ended up buying some stamps on etsy, and using them instead, which was perfect because i got some of the flowers i used for my bouquet.

Etsy stickers: $12

I also didnt make my own font too, cause i could not be fucked.

And went with vista print, cause they were cheap.

When the invites got back, it was missing something, so i bought some gold watercolour and painted the edges, and splattered the back with paint.

So it was a nice small touch.

Print cost: $250
Paint: $50

I had printed/wrote my mums invitations wrong, and so i had to get them reprinted, so the cost added up. or then it wouldve been under $200.

Photo clothes hanger

I wanted to display photos of me and my life with Nathan and my friends. So i made myself a clothes line. i walked around bunnings for some time, and i am going to brag about this, but as i saw the materials i could use, i made the plans up in my head then and there, went home, and made that shit.. with tools!! cause im a handy man.

Total: $25

Wedding Favours.

We started selling the little nutella jars at work, and i loveeee tiny things (have you seen my tiny collection???), so i wanted to use those and incorporate my name into them.

Nutella: $100 (62 jars)

I didnt want to buy, remove and replace 250 nutella jars, so i thought i would make it for the tea ceremony, and then make cheaper little boxes for our weddings. so for our weddings i made little parcels.

Hairly and Loc came over and helped me put the stickers on all the boxes, Annie bought me the chocolates, and Ajay and Lana helped fill the boxes up with chocolates and tie them up. Beryl helped with the nutella jars too.

But they ended up being super cute.

Why little parcels??

Because in the first year of our relationship, it was a long distances once, and we had send each other about 100 letters and packages.

i wanted to put little loveheart chocolates into the packages because of my necklace, but moneyyyy so i went for a cheaper option, then realised that i ran out of chocolates, so lana, ajay and i went to coles and bought whatever would fit into those tiny boxes…

total: 62$ boxes, 93$ chocolates, Tags 24$, 12$ Washi tape = $190

Bridesmaids Gifts.
As mentioned in the previous post, i love my girlfriends.

if i had all the money in the world, i wouldnt donate much to charity, because i would be spending it on them instead. and well, everybody else in my life.

so i wanted to make little candles, cause i wanted to be creative, and i wanted to throw in more of the themed stuff, i love watermelon (the scent), Nathan loves watermelon (the food), our theme colour is pink and mint.. so we made candles… and cause i wanted to do things.. like, i feel like i need to be doing something.. all the time..

Candle making isnt as simple as i thought, was really interesting, and it all smelt so nice and worked so well =D

very happy with how we went.

Again, i didnt paint the watermelon or cherry blossoms, they were from the amazing google images. which as an artist, i should not be doing at all, but as a person who has no time and fucks, i just went to good old google.

Bought some bags for the 22 girls, bought a printer to print out all the printables. lol..

The Mirror.

I was so proud of this one. but it didnt go the way i wanted to in the end, which made me sad.

But yeah, so i looked everywhere online for a mirror around that size, with a frame.

No where sold one, bunning, kmart, target, blah blah blah. And when they did, it costed more than $80, which i could not justify. And thank god i didnt spend that much, since it wasnt even properly used.

BUT! i had the idea that when people would take photos of the sign, that they could be in it too 🙂

This is my picture of Neaw and Reagan’s sign at their wedding.

i found the mirror on gumtree, all the way in newtown. but for $20!!! (win!) i cut out the writing for the mirror, took my sweet ass time placing it onto the mirror, straight, and without smudging it, and then somehow tried to attach the flowers onto the mirror without breaking it.

but i guess with transporting, the cherry blossoms fell off, which is where you can see the strings dangling from the bottom?? that was suppose to be on top holding it up from the back. Cant all be perfect i guess, and i guess i could also photoshop that out of the photo too.

Everything else.


This was one of the mistakes i made, which was buying nathans suit at politix when it was the boxing day sales. I knew nothing about suits, all i know was that one time i went with my dad, and he really liked the suits, so i went with that.

But the suit was ill fitting, the guy didnt know wtf he was doing, and it was all fucking expensive.

total: $500 for the suit, $50 for alterations.

I went around looking for suits for Tommy and Seth, but Tommy insisted that he wore the navy suit he already had, so that we didnt need to waste more money, but then we had to match the suits.. i found that a bit of a challenge.. mainly because Tommy is in another state, and i only got to see the suit in real like one time, and photos dont pick up colour the same way as the eye does…

Luckily for me that i am amazing.. hahaha..

Sutis look fucking identical.

Swear… like no photo that shows the proper colour…

Suit: Asos, $114. (The thing that sucked hardcore was that Seth had to get his suit altered, and things in Brisbane is hella expensive, and it ended up costing him an extra $200 or so.. alterations costed more than the suit…)

Shirts for Tommy & Seth: Conner, 3 for $50 (got my dad an extra shirt)

Ties: Ebay, $1.70 each.

My shoes

So, i bought some grey shoes online, they were jelly and i was like “yay comfort”

Then as the time went by, i thought… Why the fuck did i buy grey………. GREY!

my life isnt grey..

when have i ever been a mono-toned person… (asides when i speak… lol)

i love colours!! bright bright brightttt colours.. (it makes up for my mono-toned voice)

So i weeped a little internally, because i didnt want to waste a good pair of shoes, and a good amount of money, and contemplated looking for new shoes..

Anyways, i searched for a bit, and stumbled onto these red shoes that i really liked, but they were limited, and out of stock… THEN! saw glittery teal shoes on ebay in my size…

IT WAS A SIGN! so i bought it.
Shoes: Mimco brand, brand new, $80

I think thats all i bought??????????
i dont know what else there was…

But i’ll end this blog here cause its super late, and i am super tired, if you havent noticed my massive paragraphs turn into sentences with swears..


The Wedding, from start to finish. PART 1

Warning, This is going to be an extremely long post.

but i did want to talk about the whole experience and how we all went about with the whole ordeal.

To be honest though, i dont know where to start with the whole thing. So much has happened, so much drama and annoyance and everything else in between.

Okay, so i’ll start with the fact that i didnt want to have a wedding. but i kept contemplating it for a while, i kept thinking that almost all parts of me doesn’t want to have a wedding, (Wedding, not marriage) but the only part of me that does, is the part that keeps thinking “But what if you regret not doing it”. I want my parents to be happy, i want my parents to be able to walk me down the aisle and celebrate together as a family. my family have been so separated, even though we all live under the same roof for so long now, and its so rare to have all 4 of us in the same room at the same time. so i thought when is that was going to ever happen again.

and well, Nathan really wanted to have a wedding. and i guess his opinion had to matter. lol jks jks. it never matters.. hahaha nah. his cool.

but he wanted a wedding, i guess for the same reason.

We had been planning to get married for quite some time now, even before we got engaged. we went out and bought wedding bands, skipping the engagement ring because i told him that it was unnecessary, especially because he hadn’t gotten a job yet, and i was only working a few days a week.

The Rings

the process of the rings was alright. i already kinda knew the in’s and out’s since its not my first time going ring shopping… its actually my third. lol.
but we needed to see what he wanted, and what would suit him. We went to western places, where the prices are marked up like crazzzyyyyy….

Okay, so i had to dig through all my old receipts to find it all, and then calculated online on how much the average of the types of diamonds i was looking at/what i bought would be valued at.

We ended up going to a place my mum took us, after we discovered that Nathan looks better in yellow gold instead of white, and he also picked out a style he liked too.

We asked if they could make Nathan the ring he wanted, and i just chose something from their display and got it tinier to fit my tiny fingers.

Cost – $800 per ring. much much much happier than paying more than +$1000 for my ring. there wasnt any place that quoted us less than $1k

So, i went to Gregory’s with Dave while we were together, and we looked at rings and diamonds, and i got a quote for a ring.
If everybody doesn’t already know it. i wanted a heart shape ring, with a halo around it and a band with little diamonds on it too.

Similar to this.

the quote read ~ 1.52ct, F colour, IF clarity, Heart shape = $3800

i looked up online for an average price for that. and it was about $1916 – $3925

That price didnt include the band and the extra diamonds. the total ended up being $6600 for 18ct white gold, or $7600 for platinum. Whiiiccchhhh i guess is still wayyyyy better than buying a Tiffany & co ring. cause i went to try those on, and i did not like them at all.

But Nathan and i went to buy our ring at a place in Cabramatta.

0.94ct, F colour, VS clarity, Heart shape = $2800

online prices = $4800 – $9261

Now, the one thing that sets these two diamonds apart, and i guess its a big big issue for resale purposes, is that the diamond i bought isn’t GIA certified.

BUT! it did not bother me at all. it did not bother me that there are tiny inclusions in the diamond that you could kinda see under a microscope. wait.. let me see if i could take a picture of it.

This is the photo i or nathan.. i dont know anymore.. took with our new macro lens.

Not the best photo of a diamond because the diamond needs to be cleaned… but i guess its still alright.

i still dont think you can see the inclusions in this photo. but there is a tiny black triangle, and two tinier dots next to it. it was really hard to take a photo of because the ring isnt cleaned.. lol

But i used nathans thingo to look through it and take a photo of it. best i can do with an iphone for now i guess.

But yeah, so im pretty happy with the rings. they even engraved our names for free. although i was kinda disappointment about that cause the writing wasn’t nice.. and im anal about calligraphy. like, i wouldve paid money to get it written nicely… but its done, i dont want to offend them and tell them to fix it.

Secondly, i guess is the ring box, since its in the photo.

While i was looking on etsy, i found a ringbox i liked, which was this clear glass one. it was kind of expensive, so i left it for a bit, and when i came back to check again, it was no longer available. Eventually, after continuously looking everywhere, online, in stores, thinking about making it myself, another one similar to it popped up on etsy again. so i bought it. I then ordered some artificial moss on ebay and played the waiting game for both items. They arrived, i placed the rings ontop of the moss in the box, and the rings fell straight through to the bottom of the box. so i went and bought florist foam, layered a piece of green felt down first, carved the foam so that there was about 3-4mm space between the edges of the foam and box so that i could put the moss in so that it looks like its a moss cube, then added moss on top and a bit of tacky glue.

Thus, my ring box was ready.

Cost – box = $51. Foam = $2?, moss = $12

The Necklace.

So, long story short.. i have a fantasy world, and a story and a whole big imaginary world.. i made up my own little character and whenever i got sad i would pretty much day dream as if i was watching TV. The main character was a girl named Nina, and she was gifted a red heart necklace. Anyways, so ever since i was young, i’ve been in search of this necklace. i just wanted some thing i could look at, or hold onto and know that i was going to be okay. and so i found a few things that looked similar, but it wasnt until we went to vietnam that i found a stone that matched what i wanted, and when we came back here, i got it made into a pendant.

The stone was $60 the pendant was $350 18ct white gold, and the chain for the necklace was $20

The Proposal.

This came after the rings and everything else. Again, long story short.

I wanted it recorded because i hoard memories. I believe for me that if i have them on photo or video, that i will remember them forever. because my memory is getting pretty bad these days.

i also wanted to have a balloon theme cause i’ve always wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride. blah blah blah. cute cheesy shit.

Videographer = $300
Venue hire = $260?
other accessories, = Nathan paid.

The Bridesmaids.

My girls are more important to me than my dress, or hair or make up or anything. The thing i’ve always always loved is taking massive group photos, let me find examples.

That was our “Suit up” birthday event. And after all the photos with my cosplay girls, i’ve just loved the idea of dressing up in the same outfits and taking photos.

i’ve always just really wanted a group photo with all the people that have made a significant dent in my life.

im pretty sure people think im crazy for having so many bridesmaids… actually.. crazy for having so many friends…. and its pretty hard, while i was jobless a few years ago, i was still busy everyday because i was just seeing people. now that i have a job, i have to juggle between who im going to see, when im going to see them, and for how long. because my friends and i, we dont just hang out for an hour or two, talk about whats new in our lives, then go home and do whatever. We will sit there for agessss, and chit chat about everything and anything. i use to do 3 different outings in one day just to be able to see everybody. then i had the hobbies i was into, that took up a lot of time, and the people i was dating who i guess i needed to spend time with lol.

but it was tough, and i guess now that everybody is getting older, and that i also plan to have kids, its only going to get tougher to see people.

But alas, i have a lot of people i trust, that i can depend on, that i know will be there for me when times are rough. i know that they take what i have to say as something of value, and respect my opinions and also always calls me out on my shit, and tells me when i am being unreasonable.

They are not fake. They are all different. but the thing i know are all the same are that they all have hearts of gold, and they all are strong women, people i can look up to in completely different aspects in life. Some are amazing mothers, some are amazing workers, etc etc etc.

Anyways. i also wanted them to wear white.

WHICH! for some reason, gives peoples the shits. i dont know why??? its not their wedding! but mann.. people have opinions on things that dont relate to them at all.

When i went with Tina to look for her dress for her wedding, Tina told me to try on dresses too since i was also going to get married at the time, so i tried on an ivory dress, and asked the shop assistant if there were any white bridesmaid dresses, and she just got all bitchy and said “No one has white bridesmaids”, she then went on about how im going to look “dirty” in ivory while the girls wore white, that no bride wants their moment stolen by girls wearing white. She was wayyyy too opinionated on something that wasnt her business.

But a lot of people asked my why i ended up choosing white. Well, actually, i didnt end up choosing it, it was my choice before i even knew i was going to get married. I told most of the people that asked that i had gone to a wedding once, and all the brides friends was wearing white, and everybody just looked so good in it, and i really liked it.

another reason was well, to me, white was just an angelic colour, and thats how i saw these girls in my life, they had one way or another saved me from myself, and all the negativity that i had gone through. You know that moment, when the bride walks in and the husband sees her for the first time, and she has this beauty, and purity? or like.. that glow, a simple beauty, thats what i see in all of them. plus, white worked with everybody!

i did however choose mint for Ajay and Lana cause they are my odd balls.

So the dresses i originally wanted was a one shoulder maxi dress. But i could not find any places with the dress i wanted, i also did not want to make that many dresses.. and when i did find a dress i liked, it was way too expensive.

i somehow stumbled upon the infinity dresses, and thought, well.. you know what… i don’t need to measure anybody then! it was all free-sized! How convenient. i had messaged the seller about the dresses while i was with Dave, but i never got back to her because Dave and i were no longer getting married.

But i looked around again because there were more people selling the dresses, but ended up going with the same seller i had originally talked to, and saved up enough money to buy the dresses with my money before Nathan and i joined bank accounts.

thats the picture i drew while i was with Dave, that was what my plan was.

This was my reality.

What a dream!!

Anyways, So this is going to take a long frikin time, but i want to thank each girl, and tell everybody why they are there.

Left to right. And im going to skip through a few things because i feel like i’ve been through so many ups’ and downs with each girl, they’ve all been there through my rough times, and i was there through theirs, etc etc etc. so i’ll just talk about the unique stuff.

Ajay, She has been my longest friend, we started our friendship off when she wasnt even in school yet. as the years have gone by, and we each grow up, i think that our opinions and our mind sets have completely changed that we arent on the same level with things, but thats what happens, but that also isnt a bad thing at all.. it just means that our friendship has stood through all these changes, us being such different people now, and yet, how love and respect for each other still continues to be strong. Ajay really has been there for me, in moments where all i needed was just to complain about the smallest things that made me feel important. she has always made me feel like i had a companion for life.

Tina, like a lot of my friends actually, i wasnt friends with Tina to start off with, we were friends through friends, but then bonded when we had class together in high school. she had always stood up for me, always verbally, and i know if it ever came up, she would physically do it too. I use to just pop by to her place when she lived closer and we would just sit in her study and talk about boys. There were moments in our friendship where i felt like i was someone she could rely on, when she had gotten car troubles and needed a lift, i know its nothing to brag about, but i was really happy to be that person that she could count on. I know she trusts me in those moments, and i know i can always rely on her if i ever needed anything as well.

Sheila, I dont get to see sheila now as much as i’d like to, i know our friendship could be more than what it is now, but regardless of that, what we do have is quite amazing still. She was the girl i would love to introduce to my friends, the person i knew would get a long with everybody. She is open, and bubbly, and just so sweet. i’ve seen her grow and become her own person, and its just so nice to see someone take control of their lives, mixing in pleasure and responsibilities and living life to its fullest and not holding back. I admire how fearless she is, and its what i want to have more of for myself.

Brittaney, from the moment i met her properly i knew she was a keeper, Nathan would always tell me that he would love for her to be in a bridesmaid, and we’re both so glad shes there. We havent been friends for so long, i think the shortest friendship within the group of girls, but just as important than everybody else there. Brittaney has been the person who came up to me and asked me if i needed anything, and someone i relied on a lot for the process of the wedding organising, and was completely on point with everything she helped us with.

Courtney, Our friendship started off so oddly, cause we knew of each other for sooo long, but never thought to actually meet each other properly and get to know each other because when we did, we found out that we were both secretly into the same things,  at that time, we were both getting into cosplay, we were both reading the same comic books, (but i was reading the old school ones while she was reading the reboot) and we were both studying at uni online. Courtney has been the one i could be weird with, that no matter what i told her, she did not judge me, and laughed along with every weird thing i said, sometimes you just need a break from being normal, and just be weird with someone.

Linda, i heard sooo much about Linda from Jerin, and i was a little jealous at first because Jerin spoke sooo highly of her. but when i met her and got to know her, i fell in love with her instantly. She is so pure, and so sweet, there is this meme/quote i always see and it reminds me of her so much. that “One day, somebody would be so incredibly lucky to have you”, and i completely believe it. She has such a soft gentle heart, and shes so cute and quirky on the outside that its just so hard not to love her.

Shirley, my primary school bff, We had these teddybears, and they were best friends too. and our teddy bears would write each other letters, and all sorts of childish things. We were attached at the hip at some point in primary school. Shirley is the most talented person i know, She can pick up anything and master it. Not only is she creative, but she is soooo smart, but at the same time, shes so down to earth too and equally as quirky as everybody else. im so glad that our friendship stood through all of our different milestones, our different paths and mindsets.

Kyleen, i wasn’t the closest to Kyleen in high school as i am now, but i am so happy with how our friendship has blossomed. There was this moment we had one time in the car, where she talked about how much she loved her partner Roland, and she just started to get teary and cried. This was while i was with Dave, and at that moment, i knew i wanted what she had, she was talking about how good he was to her, and how good of a father he was.. and she was so lucky to have him. i thought it was beautiful. The thing i think with Kyleen is that people only see her as a mother of two, but they dont see what a truly wonderful person she is, how hard working and how good she is as a mother, partner and a friend. And i am so lucky to be able to watch her grow from a high schooler to everything she is today.

Jerin, We were best friends at the end of primary school, she was taller than me, and had short boy hair, but after primary school ended, everything ended with it. I ended up finding her on facebook, but i was so scared to add her for soo long, because i stalked her, and she had blossomed sooo beautifully, like, i would show people and say “DO YOU REMEMBER HER!! LOOK AT HER NOW!!! HOW PRETTY IS SHE!!!”, eventually i added her, but we didnt talk until she saw some of my cosplay photos, and we rekindled after that, and she has been a big part of my life since. The thing i am most thankful of, and will never forget it is that when Nathan was struggling on trying to find a job, and Jerin, without any other thought, came over and helped him re-write his resume and helped him with interview questions, it was so selfless, it did not benefit her in any way or form, and i wasnt even there? and when i asked her, she simply just said, “i knew you needed it”. Buts its those little things like that that i am so thankful of.

Annie, I met her when she was about 15? and she had such an intimidating vibe to her, but she was always nice and open, and always talked to me. But it wasnt until Dave and i broke up that she and i connected properly. She had gone through the same thing, and asked me if i wanted to join her on her trip to get away from it all, but at the time, i think i was already okay, i had already moved on with Nathan. but i went along because woo holiday!! but, they do say that holidays either make or break relationships, and i believe that that little trip changed the dynamic of our friendship in such a positive way. It was really nice to have someone walk with me through life, knowing what I’ve experienced, having been there herself, together we were able to get through to the other side alive.

Kim, I always admired how sweet she was, the way her mind works. when i met her till now, when i ask the same questions to her and to other people, her responses would always surprise me, because i had this belief that people were all assholes, then there was her, who no matter the circumstances, was always trying to think of the positives towards each situation she was in, or hypothetically in. it was a reminder that not everybody were assholes, and mainly that i was just hanging with the wrong people, that i needed more people like her in my life, and now i am surrounded by them. Kim has always put others before her selves, the type of person who would buy somebody a new dress for their birthday, while wearing something that was old and tattered, but doesnt even see how wonderful she really is, that those small things she does selflessly is so special. but thats why i love her.

Anya and i started off being friends because we shared similar interests, but as the years went on, and things change within the both of us and we become people completely opposite to each other, the thing that didnt change was the mutual friendship & love we have for each other. I admire everything shes done to be where she is today, she has accomplished so much, and proves that women can be anything they want to be, shes so strong willed, and firm, and its really nice to see someone who knows exactly what they want, and not just knowing, but getting it too. When Dave and i broke up, she came by to check up on me, she brought me food, vitamins and anything she knew would help me feel better, when i was broke, she didnt hesitate to take me out and pay for my meals without questioning when i could pay her back, i tell everybody that she has a sweet spot for me.

Debbi and i weren’t friends in high school, I stereotyped her as one of those “popular mean girls” but i was soooo wrong. I actually cant remember how we started talking again, but we did, and i was absolutely wrong about her, she is not the perfect person i thought she was in high school, she was flawed, and it humanized her for me, it made me understand that i shouldn’t fit people into labels, that i shouldn’t judge someone negatively because i thought they had everything. And i was so wrong to judge her for all that i did, but i am so glad to be able to see this side of her that everybody close to her gets to see. now, shes someone i can go to for advise, she is so wise and strong, and at the same time, she is super nice too. Her and her family makes me feel like i have family here in Australia, because for such a long time, i always thought that our family was alone.

Hairly and i became friends so randomly too. Kerrie and her had stopped being friends, and one day, Hairly pops up in my chats explaining to me what happened between their friendship, it took me by surprise but it was it was such a great start to something greater. I’ve gotten to know her and her family throughout the years and im so happy to have them all in my life. Hairly and i always related with the fact that we came from families that werent well off, and just watching the hard work shes put into everything shes done because of that; made me so proud to know her. she was working full time, studying online full time, has her own cakepop business, as well as maintaining a good family and relationship all at the same time, shes just such a trooper. Her mum buys me little gifts from overseas whenever she goes and it makes me feel so special, because i didnt expect them, but they too feel like family to me 🙂 We’ve been through every milestones together.

Beryl and i have an 8 year age gap, but any time im with her, i never think of that gap, i never see myself as that much older than she is. When she was younger, like much much younger, i didnt like her cause one time i was over her place, she was teasing me and another girl i was with lol. so i had such a weird impression of her, but she came over to help make some cake pops once, and our friendship blossomed since. Watching her go through her live and her struggles makes me wish i had friends like her when i was her age, she is so mature and so silly at the same time, she puts a smile on anyone faces, and is so understanding as well.

Gillian, my first wife, we got married in high school, i remember when i was depressed and wanted to kill myself, i would call her and she would be on the phone with me, even though none of us were talking, just knowing she was there. Whenever i had something i needed someone to listen to, i would talk to her, or email her, telling her how my life is going even though i knew it wasnt something she believed in. I think one of the biggest moments was when i told her that i couldnt handle it anymore, and that i was thinking about going back on anti-depressants, and she told me that together, we will try to find a way where i wouldnt need to do that, and i thought about it for a while, thinking that if she believes i can do it then i can believe that too. Everytime i had asked her for advise on anything, she gives me something i hadnt thought about before, and at the beginning, i never really believed or understood what she was telling me, but when i open my mind to it, i realised the warmth in her answers, in how she lives her life and thats the person i want to be like.

Neaw, She is so sweet and wonderful, we’d use to walk to Cabramatta together, after rock climbing or playing badminton, and have vegetarian food. I’m not sure what to say about her that isnt what the other girls are like too, she is so nice, so generous, and selfless. I think the thing that was different was that after Dave and i broke up, i asked her if she could check up on Dave and see that he was okay, and she did. That she doesnt judge a person from their mistakes, or take sides when they arent bad people. Shes has always been so thoughtful and just saying shes “nice” is an understatement, Shes sooo nice, and i always feel like im being spoiled by her. Im so happy we got to have the friendship we did, and i miss working with her heaps.

Jess, I only got to really know her this year, but regardless of that, i knew already how amazing she was. She had accomplished so much on her own, the type of person you see where you think “how the hell did she do it!?”. She is proof that you can do it all, be a mum, maintain a hot bod, have a great relationship, study and work as a corporate women, now she also has a house to her name and shes younger than me! She didnt let anything put her down, or stop her from where she wanted to be, she didnt let the negativity from her past ruin her or become a bad person. I know i havnet been able to know more of her yet, but we’ve got the rest of our lives to talk about everything 🙂 what i do know of her is enough to know i love her and everything shes done for me.

Lana is my everything. She is my little sister, my best friend, my daughter. I was always so over-protective of her, and so stubborn to the thought that she was growing up regardless of me helping her through it or not, it was such a hard concept to get a grasp of because i was there buying her birthday cakes when she was younger, taking her and ajay out to the city because they had never been, and taking her overseas, and all those things, but now, she can do everything on her own, and it took me such a long time to be able to take a step back, and admire what she has accomplished and how brilliant she is. Lana is probably the person that knows me better than anyone else knows me. One time, i was talking to her about my imaginary character Nina and Matt, And i asked her “if they could be animals, what animals would they be?” and i typed my answer up anyways cause i never let people finish, but she beat me to it, and answered the exact same answer i wrote. She knew what the spirit animal to my fake characters were going to be, like, thats how well she knows me. She is my other half and one of the best things thats ever happened to me.

That was a little overwhelming to write, I’m just so happy to have these people in my life, to watch their stories, to see their happiness, and be there when they arent.. im just so happy that not only did i find and marry such a wonderful guy, but that i was able to celebrate that day with everybody i love, because to me, my wedding wasnt about just me and the person i was going to marry, it was about the people who had gotten me to that point that i was going to marry someone.

These people have always seen the best in me, especially when i couldnt see it in myself, and they believe i could be better than i thought i ever could.

i had a few other people in my bridal party that didnt end up being there. but im still happy regardless 🙂

Dresses total: $1,794.49AUS for 22 dresses including shipping, shipping was like $300.

so it ended up being $81.50 per dress, which is not too shabby.

i ended up necklaces cause i didnt want to make them again. $28 for 20, and a bunch of hairclips on ebay, but cause ebay doesnt keep records after a few months, lets say the total for that was about $60, i know i didnt spend too much though. i also bought wrist corsages while i was with Dave, which was $67 for 17


Thinking of a theme was hard, Thinking of the location for us was pretty hard because Nathan is from a different state, and i dont give many shits about where im getting married, With Dave i wanted the ceremony at a local park cause it was nice enough, and cheaper. With Nathan, i literally didnt know. cause i didnt care where we got married. It wasnt until Kimmy posted up photos of a wedding she went to at Auburn botanical gardens that i knew i wanted to have it there.

(Kim Chau’s photos)

For the reception, well, my mum was soo fussy, saying that her friends care where we had it, so i had to follow what she wanted. We ended up with the “International restaurant” in Canley vale because everywhere else was booked out already, and we booked a year in advance. But it was okay, because our friend Hang had a wedding there and it was pretty nice anyways.

Ceremony – Aurburn: $1243
Reception – International: $860 per table of 10 people. 25 tables.

And for the tea ceremony, i wanted to renovate the house so it would be at least a bit presentable, and we did quite well actually.

Renovations = $1732


I went to look at a few flower places with Neaw and Jerin separately when they were planning their weddings, the places i really liked were the fake flowers. When i was younger, i hated the concept of flowers because they died, it was a waste of money, but i can appreciate their beauty now, but i still do believe in versatility and keep sake. So i wanted something i could keep, but also something i could use if i needed to for our photography business.

So i decided to make my own bouquets.

My bouquets = $80 (estimate)
Lana and Ajays = $12 each
All the other flowers = $200 including the flowers for the flower crown.

Decorator & Music.

I’ll squeesh in all the things that were recommended to us by friends.

Decorator, Jerin suggested going with a decorator that specialises in Indian weddings because they will do a big job for a small cost. And its true, what we ended up getting was quite cheap. I ordered for the ceremony, 35 Tiffany chairs, two flowerballs and urns, a red runner carpet, a cherry blossom arch, and an easel.

Everything was perfect besides the easel, it came late and too short.

Too short! Cant selfie!!! 😦

and for the reception, i got a cherry blossom tree and a love seat.

The tree was much much bigger than i thought it would be, which was awesome. and the seat was just right.

i might make this into a few different posts. cause man its hella long already.
To be continued.

One more month to go.

A lot has been happening, and at the same time, not that much.

Today Nathan is in Brisbane having his bux with his guy friends, so it’d be the first time since he moved down here that i’ll be sleeping in my bed alone, i shouldnt complain though because I’ve left him to travel for longer so many times before, plus, its only one night, i might actually get really really good sleep tonight, cold… but good.

As it gets closer and closer to our wedding date, i get more excited.. well, not excited that i get to wear a white dress and people would be focusing on me, nooo.. that part actually scares the shit out of me, but i guess, happy because i will be starting a new chapter with someone very special to me, and i’ll be surrounded by all the people that matter to me.

I am in a really good place when it comes to my relationship with Nathan, we do argue here and there.. but even before, during and after our little fights, i still know that i want to marry him. I am just so at ease… and i know that i have nothing to worry about when it comes to him.

i even had to get his friend Seth, to try to take Nathan to a strip club tonight, hahaha. Nathan and one of his best friends Tommy are such pussys! They would both use to talk about girls as if they were the hottest things ever, and then when they get a girlfriend, they become boring prudes that dont ever want to step into a stripclub or even look at another girl… Man, i should not be complaining about that hahaa.
But because i know they are really good guys, i know they wouldnt do anything to hurt anyone…

thats why its so much fun to egg them both into doing stupid shit. =D

Tonight i am at home, just finished a lasagna and now blogging a little bit before i go to sleep early and dream about that hot guy from that show i like.

i told my bridesmaids that i didnt want a bridal shower, or a hens night or anything like that.

Most of them insist in doing something, even as a small group. but i dont want to do anything to celebrate.

If it were me back a few years ago, i would probably be celebrating my Hens night at a female strip club with my guy friends touching all sorts of female body parts and getting completely drunk ass wasted.

But that isnt who i am now, although that does still sound like a fun idea. Actually.. i’m in heat, anything sexual sounds like a fun idea.

nah, i actually dont want to do anything for hens, cause its too overwhelming. i am defiantly not the person i use to be, and that much attention on just me makes me feel uneasy. plus, there is just sooo many people that i want to go and have fun that i wouldnt know what to do that everyone would enjoy, everyones just so different… so completely different.
I go out to have drinks with one group of girls, go get vegetarian with another, and go to anime conventions with others.. like, everyones just sooo different.

plus, i am currently sick!!

not that badly sick, just a little bit sick. but the last few times i got sick, i got really sick, so im just really cautious. I had the whopping cough for a new months last year, and it was horrible. i couldnt sleep because i couldnt stop coughing, and i was coughing to the point that i couldnt breath, and i was throwing up each time.

was a fantastic way to spend a holiday.

man, i keep getting distracted. im going back and forth from two different blogs, editing photos, and now playing with snapchat filters… ahhh.. i think i need more sleep, and something to entertain myself.

Anyways. i should sleep.
Or anything else. haha


3 more months to go.

The past couple of days have been very very overwhelming. to the point that i havent been able to sleep at night, i stay awake trying to distract myself, and when im up during the day, i am completely unmotivated.

It really really sucks.

Our house was rocked with a massive mental earthquake, And its been a bit tough trying to wrap our heads around everything. And i want to talk about it more, but i dont think i should. it just makes me want to be immersed into my little world i had created for myself as much as i can be, and i guess thats just not a good sign seeing as its my way to escape from whatever is going on in the real world.

But i will continue with the timeline of everything’s that’s happened so far this year.

i left off after Nathans birthday and his dads drama which hasn’t completely been resolved, but i got them both to talk to each other like adults, and that has been such a wonderful start.

Madalena, Tina and Kristy all had their babies. I have already visited Maddalena, and Tina.

Tinas birth was quite difficult, and so many things had gone wrong. but its a story to remember, and Arthur is just a mini Daryl.

I had a few photoshoots. and decided to do a series of portraits!! which i am so happy about.


So i wrote that about a month ago now and i havent come back to finish it off yet. And quite a bit of small things have happened since.

My family have been having a bit of problems, and it sucks because there is so much going on already that its just a bit tough to handle. Nathan and i have the wedding coming up so soon, and we’re thrown into all this mess. But we’re taking it as it comes, and its more simple that way.. i guess we’re just kind of ignoring all the consequences of delaying everything for now.

the other thing thats happened is that summer is over! and well.. this is the time where i turn into a hermit and get super depressed and super sad for no reason.

it is defiantly the weather.. I find that i cant concentrate as well, i cant count, i get think, i cant sleep, i cant get up.. i just cant do anything properly. i find myself making more mistakes at work. like, in the summer, i was fine, i worked well, i shined as brightly as the sun did. but now, i cant even tell people their totals right. i have been telling everyone their total wrong, and they look at me like “WHAT?! ITS $100!!!” and im like “Oh oops! i mean $30”

i can not function at all.

then when the cute guy walks past. i fuck up even more!!!!!!! last time, he came up to me so he could buy a drink, and i got distracted and short changed the lady i just served.. and i felt so bad because i got so nervous! *sigh*

Having a crush is fun.

But i do love Nathan, to bits.

We started watching ERASED. and i was so mindfucked after one episode.

i couldnt sleep for 2 days straight. i just kept thinking and thinking about everything.

In the anime, the guy goes back in time, and becomes himself when he was 10. and i thought about what would happen is i turned 10 again, knowing what i know now.

and i just couldn’t sleep thinking about all the possibilities, and what i would do.. All the things i would do…

HERES WHAT I WOULD DO!! i had to think about this.. i always thought it was stupid when people were planning a zombie apocalypses and went into full detail about it. but now i know how they feel about being prepared mentally when something unrealistic were to ever happen.

So, knowing what i know now, being who i am now. but in my 1o year old body and living my life as i was when i was 10.

i would tell my parents to find a better job back then. i would tell them to work harder on learning English, and teaching my brother and i more Vietnamese.
I would not bother being friends with the people i didn’t need to be, but love Gillian and Tina more during our high school years.
i wouldn’t date Dave, not that there was anything too bad about our relationship, but i wouldn’t do it again.
I would know what i would do with Dale, because i could date him and get more evidence about the whole pedo thing…
And i defiantly don’t know what i would do with Daniel, because that’s how i met Nathan.
I would tell my parents to invest in me, and buy me a better camera when i was 15 or so. and start my own business then.
I would tell my parents not to renovate our house, and just wait until we had enough money to rebuild instead.
I would take care of my brother better, and try to guide him into something he is more passionate about. Same with Ajay and Lana, i would try to be there for them more than i was.
Then theres all the other things like, Maybe find a way to make instagram before instagram happened. Be the ones that set fashion trends before they even knew it because i know whats going to come out when. lolol. Maybe get a career in fashion??

But what made me so paranoid was that i would need to find a way to meet Nathan again..

i kept thinking about maybe just going to meet him and all of Daniels friends as soon as i could, and tell Nathan that i was going to marry him one day! and he that crazy psycho. i wanted to tell him to move in with me earlier, even if we weren’t together, so that he can have a better life for himself, have a family that loves him so he could accomplish more faster, and be the person he wished to be.

Anyways, out of all that crazy thinking i had.. because it was 2 days of paranoia, i realised that if i knew what i knew, doing all that all over again, and maybe being able to dominate the world…

i would still go and find Nathan so i can be with him.

Even if i had the chance of finding the cute guy at work before he met his now wife. lolol

i still want Nathan.

Thats love.

anyways, so i couldnt sleep for 2 days. and i kept rolling around in bed, and Nathan would wake up randomly and ask me if i was okay. and i told him, and so he laid there and talked to me about it all… and it makes me happy that he doesnt think im crazy for being obsessive over stupid things like this. that i can be myself, and that he will talk to me about it instead of just telling me to ignore my thoughts and push it aside.

But i am over those thoughts for now. we still have 10 episodes to go though.. so i might start overthinking again soon.

But! on a super bright note.

So Nathans got a job last year in May at Cash converters. He had unemployed for a few months, and he has been getting desperate. My family is like this with whoever stays over, but my mum usually says that if you need a place to stay, and don’t have a job, then you do what you can do around the house and don’t worry about money until you get a job. then you can pay us back then.

I like that thought because it means you dont need to go out and scrap as much money as you can to pay rent. Like, before when Nathan was staying with his dad, he was paying board/rent, so he wasnt able to quit his shitty job to go for something better. Not that you cant find a job while having a job, But priorities are completely different, He was more stressed about getting money to pay his dad, plus everything else in life, than trying to get a better job.
So when he was unemployed, all he did was try to find a job. and it got to a point that he was just going to give up and go back to Woolworth, Shitty pay, Shitty hours, and shitty everything. No progression in life.
So the first day of him going back to Woolworth, he got a call saying he had gotten a job at cash converters. And we were both so happy. Sure, it wasnt the best thing in the world. but it was just one step towards something better.

And i always told him to be patient.

So at the moment, he currently hates his job at cash converters hahaha. But because people dont see his full potential, and under mind him because he is “New”. He doesnt get the same respect as he other people who have been there longer but do less work. And usually, i dont really believe when my partners come home telling me that they are such hard workers, and blah blah blah, But i believe Nathan because he does work hard at home too helping me and my mum out.
And so he had been looking for a new job, and i do see him working hard trying to find a new job too, applying whenever he can, hearing him take phone interviews, and getting dressed and going for interviews in person. My mum told him to pray before heading out to any interviews too.
And all the jobs he had told me he had interviewed for, it never sounded right, like, it was a good enough job, but something that would only be another small step..

So i told him, “If you dont get this job, it means the job was not meant for you anyways. and something better WILL come along”

And it did!

Nathan went for an interview yesterday, and got a call today telling him that they will take him on 🙂

And it is a job he was defiantly interested in, not just applying for the sake of getting out of his current job.

So we have a lot to celebrate.

I couldnt be any happier for him. I have high hopes in him, and i am so glad that he does see potential in himself too, and know that he can and will accomplish amazing things. It is something i defiantly admire about him, So many people give up when it gets tough. but he just keeps getting back up, with a smile and going out there.

Here i am in bed dying because i cant comprehend the fact that i am not going to become 10 and rule the world.

I am very lucky to have him.

Nathans Dad and step mum came to visit us as well, and meet my parents. That was pretty good.
After everything thats happened between Nathan and his dad, its really nice to see him just being good towards each other. I think its what they both need.

ANYWAYS! enough of my rambling.

There is now 2 months before the wedding. And i am so friking excited. I cant wait to be married to him.

Already half way through January

I have gotten up to quite a lot since i last blogged, and that wasnt even that long ago.

It is currently January.. which is obvious.. but January to me is broke month. it the month just after Christmas, so not only are we spending money buying presents for everyone, or well.. try to buy presents for people… but we’re broke trying to see everybody before the year ends or just after the new year when people aren’t crazy busy organising to be with their family over the Christmas break.

January is also the month where Nathan and i think “oh fuck. its only 4 months till the wedding…… Time to get doing shit”

So i have to back track a little because i’ve delayed this blog by quite a bit now.

So on the 28th, i wasnt able to see Albert. which sucked, but what can we do, we all live busy busy lives now and it doesnt bother me.

Most of my friends, i dont see them as often as i’d like, but when i do see them, theres always such an amazing connection, and i always have a wonderful time being with them. and that that is all i need.. knowing that they are still in my life, knowing that when we do see each other, we have a blast, and that they are okay and that we are okay 🙂

the few days leading to the new years had been busy at work, which was awesome fun. it gives me a chance to see the cute guy at work i totally fancy..
i had been telling Nathan for months that i find one of the guys at work super cute. And nathan hadnt seen him before, and so on new years eve, when he came to pick me up from work, he ended up seeing the guy i was talking about, and asked me later “the guy you think is cute was working today right??” to which i said “YES! WHY!!! DID YOU SEE HIM???” lol. and he responded “i understand why you think his cute now…”

let me just clarify. When i crush on people, im just crushing on the superficial side of them that i would looooveee to photograph or draw. This guy (to me.. and i guess Nathan…) Is good looking! His tall, nice body, nice facial features and a lovely jawline… i would LOVE to photograph him.
i mean, i have soo much fun photographing Steve.


So i cant remember much of a lot of other stuff. But on the 30th, Kyleen held a Birthday party for Jiselle at the local bowling club, Jiselle and her friends all went bowling.. and it was so cute… and it made me so depressed because i want my own monkey i can watch bowl. ahh. so depressed.


i ended up telling Brittaney at work the next day that my goal for next year is to conceive.

After work on the 31st, the eve to the new year, After Nathan S and i finished work, my Nathan drove us all down to stanwell park to meet up with steve and his buddies for a little get together for new years.

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We didnt do too much. We ran around the beach a little, had a BBQ, sat around singing with Jess who played the guitar. then celebrated the new years and went home.

I dont think i want to do anything big anymore for new years. im just so over it.

On the 1st and 2nd, Nathan and i spent our time cleaning up and painting the wedding invitations.

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i got rid of all my photo albums…. there are sooo many photos in that bag..

but i kept some of the ones that made me really happy. the rest are all on digital copy.

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I wanted a gold touch for our invitations, make it look less flat since its just a card compared to one that opens, or has cut outs, or comes in fancy packaging or what not.


On the 4th, i had Lunch with Scott, and Kimmy came over to drop off the photos she took of us the month before =D i am soo in love! i ended up getting some printed.

Scott stayed the night at our place because he needed a place to stay while he was moving.

On the 6th, i went to work, came home, told Scott to stay another night so my mum can cook for him, and then got dressed for Neaw and Reagans wedding and left for that.

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My mum asked me if i was going to fit into the Thai dress since i had gained weight, i told her that i would, and she laughed at me.

i came back home and got dressed again to go to Kyleens birthday dinner at Top Ryde.

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Then after dinner, rushed back to the area to head to Claudias birthday party…


That was one intense fucking day..

We didnt go home until 1am.. and there was so much drama there too that really pushed my buttons.

but other than that, i had suchhh an amazing day.

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The day after was Neaw and Reagans Wedding!!!!!!!!!!

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Which was also lots and lots of fun.

i dont dance.. like.. there is a 0.1 % chance i would ever dance. But i did, and it was heaps of fun, and i wasnt even drunk, or i didnt even drink at all.. i was just around the people that made me so happy.

And the day after that… i had work.. a long shift too. x_x

on the 9th, i cant remember what i was doing in the day time…


I think i got our photo printed then..

then headed to Straithfield to have dinner with Albert and Lana since i havent been able to see them in a while.

It was so nice to catch up with them again.. So much has happened.. and we have been through so much together… i’ve known Albert since i was 15, and lana since i was 8.. and they’ve been around through everything, they know everything about me and the people around me, and when we catch up, we see the world pass beside us, that some things so dramatically, but at the same time, some things just stay perfectly the same.

On the 10th, Nathan had the day off, and after i finished work, we headed to my work place for our very very late Christmas party.

I love where i work, for sooo many little reasons. I work with such sweet people… and i mean it.. they are so sweet! they took me in with open arms, and they are just so friendly and nice..
My managers and supervisors are not only my bffs, but they are just so great at what they do. They give us proper breaks at the right time.. and i know that sounds like such a small thing.. but it makes a big difference. Nathan barely gets breaks when its busy, because everyone at his work is in it for themselves.The bosses are Funny and very lovely too. and everyone just works so well together.
And! the customers are so sweet! i mean, not everyone, and not always. If you go with the concept of “one bad person can ruin your day” then you should also consider “all the good people that make your day”
And thats usually the case when i work, I smile and be happy, and most of the time people tell me “Thats a lovely smile you have!” to which i tell them “Well, if i smile, then hopefully it makes you smile too” and then they do.

and i think the best part of my job is that its so flexible. Because now i actually can focus on my photography job too.

The christmas party was full of gifts, because we had to do a secret santa, and there are quite a lot of people at my work place, so that took a while. The best gift was when the boss, the owner.. bougth Brit a back support strap because she just got breast implants, and he was joking about her needed the back support.

That sounds sooooooooooooooo bad…. like sexual harassment… but it wasnt. Britt and Dom are like family. and everyone just laughed until they cried when they saw her open the gifts.

We then had some awards, kind of like what they do in highschool. The most caring, the most helpful, the loudest, the one whos most likely to be a murderer. lol

Then everyone drank, sang karaoke and Eashan and Nathan tried to Wingman Courtney. but it didnt work cause MORE DRAMA… yay…

The 11th, i had the day off, but i took J to the hospital to get her baby checked up, and it was the first time i heard a babys heartbeat through those machines.. i kept thinking that “oh wow… my interracial lesbian lover is having our baby!!!”
Because our inside joke was that we’re interracial lesbian lovers. lol. Because i do things like this with her, go to appointments to hear a babies heartbeat. lol

After that, Courtney, Brittaney and i went to Costco. then had dinner with Nathan at a Vietnamese place because we want Brit to try ethnic foods.

The 12th was Nathans birthday, and we both had to work. I stayed back at work a little to talk to the cute guy from work….. still pretty fucking cute to me. Then bought some milkshakes for Nikola and i while i waited for Brit and Courtney to finish work to get some burgers. Nathan and i then went to the shops together afterwards and came home to watch a movie and eat some ice cream cake.


the 14th was Nathans BBQ party.

I had just bought a new BBQ grill to cook meat with cause the one we have at home is… terrible. and on the day of the party, my mum, Nathan and i decided to go shopping for a fridge. Good timing though because we really needed a new one. but bad timing because Brit came over early and got there before we got there…

But she helped me cut fruit and cook the meat =D

everyone else slowly started coming over. and it was a fun night.

I am really happy.. and Nathan is overwhelmed with happiness.

Nathan didnt grow up with this much love.. and there they all where, at my place to celebrate with him.. someone they had just met not too long ago. I constantly tell Nathan that my life is full of love, that i am surrounded by loving and caring people.. and now he is too.. and im so happy that he gets to have that too.

it really has made him a better person too.

the party ended late. and i ended up getting to bed at 2am. then up at 8am for work.

long shift too. it was a nightmare. but like i said before. i love my job.

After work, we visited Madalena because she had given birth the day before!!! =D and we went home and talked about life and love.


Nathan was told by his dad to invite his step sister and step brother. And we just dont want to invite them. We ended up talking to Debbi about it. And she is just so amazing, i swear.


it blows my mind so much when i find people who werent loved as a child, who doesnt have love around them.. because no matter how different my friends are to me, our career choices, our path in life, our views and our belief system.. the thing that made us similar, not all of my friends, but most.. is that we are surrounded by love. Most of my parents grew up with so much love.. maybe from a broken family.. but still with so much love.

so to see someone who never knew that. it just throws me off.

i just dont understand how any parent cant love their child first, and put themselves before their own children. ahh.. but thats for another day.

Today, nathan and i slept in. then had Yum cha with my dad.. then did errands for the rest of the day.

Now its 1am, and i have a chocolate cake in front of me. and i need a shower.