I had a few people asking me where the next part to the wedding was going to be. its just taken a while to think of how to write everything up without offending anyone. and it really did take me quite a while, a lot of deleting and re-writing.
But this wouldn’t be really me writing if i had to censor everything i wrote just so some people wouldn’t get offended right??? It would just be just as fake as everybody else talking about their (not so perfect) day.
This is just going to be about my reality. SO! if you’re offended, i am sorry in advance.
Anyways, lets start off with all the other things on my budget that i had completely missed!
Hens & Bux
So, while planning the wedding with Dave, i had told my girls that i didnt want anything where i would be the center of attention… funny right??? I tell this to people and they internally laugh at me because not only is it a wedding, where i have to be the center of attention, but because i dress up in costumes for conventions to get some sort of attention… So it is weird. (Here’s my explanation for the cosplaying though, i am showcasing my art, and a character that isn’t myself. usually i dress up as strong dominant characters because that is something i want to be, another thing i guess is, you dont know the difference it is unless you yourself are a cosplayer; the difference between walking up on stage, and walking up on stage as a character. although i have not walked on stage.. because i am shy.. which people also think is a load of bull lol)
But yeah, so no strippers.. i mean, we can have a strippers, but as long as they didnt know i was the bride, cause then they’d make me do things and i dont want to do things!!! (Effort level: Low)
Anyways, after the whole terrible engagement party with Dave, i thought that this time around, i wont do anything for my Hens.
SO, i had no hens.
and a lot of girls suggested to take me out, and do things etc, but i dont like a lot of things. im kinda boring.
i dont drink, i dont like the taste of alcohol, but also cause of religious reasons. I dont dance, at all.. i literally go clubbing and sit outside and wait for everybody to be done…. (But im literally okay with sitting and waiting). I dont like massages, so i dont do those whole spa day things, i dont like people touching me like that, its painful and annoying. I dont like getting my nails done, i swear, i complain so much when people are doing my hair and nails.. I dont care for fancy food, or high tea, i think its all over-rated..
The only thing i thought about that i would be interested in would be life drawing.
All the girls in a group, a naked dude in front of us, and watch the girls shy away when they get to the part where you have to draw their penis.. lol.. that wouldve been heaps fun!
But nah, too much effort to plan, and well.. i didnt want to offend people with penis.
We were also low on money too. i thought i didnt need to spend money on something i dont have too much interest in.
When Nathan and I got engaged, Tommy was telling us about how they were all going to go to Vegas for Nathans bux, and how he was planning something completely crazy and over-exaggerated. Then Tommy got a girlfriend and got pussy whipped, (Sorry Tommy, but its true) Pussy whipped to the max, anyways, so Nathan was asking everybody for ideas for what they could all do, and they ended up settling for go karts. Something that Nathans younger brothers could be there for as well. Seth planned dinner, and Tommy suggested getting a place to stay and play cards and drink..
And i was so upset with that! LOL!!!
I wanted Nathan to have a crazy night, i wanted him to go get strippers, and do dirty things, and hopefully not come home with an STI or anything. but do all the crazy shit because his so friking innocent. So Seth and i were talking about how the other guys didnt plan strippers, and so we planned that after dinner, i would message Seth saying that he has to take Nathan to the strip club or i wont marry him lol.
Anyways, so our plan worked, and Nathan went. When he came home, i asked him about every dirty detail that he remembered lol!! i wont go into all the details, but they all had a good time.
At the end of the day, Nathan and his friends had fun, i got what i wanted and i guess my take on bux and hens is that Yes, you dont need one night before your wedding to do crazy stupid things, i dont believe in that concept at all, not for the sake of doing it because its a wedding tradition and you have to, that it has to be as dirty as possible. But i do believe that if you have a chance to get your good friends together for a night and do something memorable than you should defiantly take it. The reason why i wanted him to go on his bux was because he had moved interstate away from his best friends to be with me, he doesnt get to see them often, so he should go and do something that is centered around him, since there wont be many moments in our future to do so, where everybody is celebrating something just for him. Sure, theres birthdays, but thats not the same.
And why i wanted him to go to a strip club was because i know it would embarrass him, and i love embarrassing him, plus, i love and trust his friends so much, i know that they wouldnt let him do anything so bad that he’d regret it or that would hurt our relationship.
He did however get 7 Strippers. like, when is that ever going to happen again!
But those reasons for him to do all that stuff contradicts the fact that i didnt have a hens, “if i had an opportunity to get everybody together and celebrate, why didnt i take advantage of that??”, its cause i hate being the center of attention that much. i just want to be in the back gound of every bodies lives, you know that weird awkward best friend side character in romcoms? I want to be that person! =D and legit, effort level: Low
i didnt need a hens because, well i guess i have to explain that i usually live on a scale of 8-9 on the happy scale of everyday life. i do, i swear, sometimes it gets to a 10 when i see a cute picture of a piglet or something, but usually im fairly happy and contempt. i dont need significant moments to be happy, or to be around everybody i love at one time to feel loved.
Everything else, is wayyy too overwhelming for me to handle.
Gokart: nathan paid for his brothers as well. i cant exactly remember how much it ended up costing.
The rest was shouted by his friends, and he stayed over at his dads place 🙂
Update: So we recently went to visit Nathans family and friends, and we got to sit down and talk to one of Nathans married friends. He told us how he had such a great time at Nathans bux, and regrets so much that he didnt go crazy on his own. He ended up going golfing.
it made me more glad that Nathan did go out and do something crazy. and i guess i would suggest that if you are getting married, and have amazing friends, go out and go crazy. Within reasons though, Dont do anything you wouldnt want your partner to do, but go and have fun because when else are you going to have an opportunity to be the star of your own crazy night.
Whenever i thought about getting married, i wanted to invite everybody in my life, the people who had made me who i am today. i keep saying that, but i do believe that without the people that had been there in my life, it wouldn’t have shaped to what it is, and i wouldn’t have ended up with who i have. its the whole butterfly effect.
I wanted to invite my doctor because he looked after me so well, and i wanted to tell him “look at me now! im happy and im getting married! thank you for helping me when i needed it”, but as i got a tiny bit more mature, i realise that it didnt matter, that if i wanted to thank him, i should just write him a thank you card.
i had a lot of drama with the guest list while i was planning my wedding to Dave. because our mothers kept telling us not to invite too many.. uhh. Dont take this offensively because it is defiantly offensive and racist. but they said not to invite too many ‘white people’. Dont take it the wrong way though, it sounds much much more offensive because that is the direct translation. Traditionally, when we ‘Asians’ go to weddings, we give a red pocket, usually the money in the red pocket if over $100.
So the Asians have a system of owing and paying back, You give what is expected, more if you like, and when its your turn to get married, you receive the same amount that you’ve given, then when you go to the persons wedding that was just at yours, you give them the same amount they had given you back.
If you dont, then its just frowned upon, and the asian community gossip. sooo… yeah, thats our traditions.
Im not saying all, but its a custom to bring gifts to western weddings, i read so many blogs about how you shouldnt ask your guests to give you money, and just expect gifts instead. and so my mum and Dave’s mum assumed that we’d make a loss from our wedding.
And yes, a wedding is not about money, blah blah blah, its about celebrating happiness, that blah. lets be real though, if a wedding was about the love and celebration between two people, then why couldnt i just elope? i’d probably regret saying that.
i will explain more about the drama with money later on.
Continuing with my guest list.
the cultural difference didnt stop me from inviting whoever i wanted to invite, i wrote down all my girlfriends and guy friends, and it was already a long list, i wrote down people i want to see again, and people who have a special place in my heart. Nathan wrote down his friends, and we left my mum with about 10 tables (100 guests)
my mum invited a lot of people for the reason i stated before, the whole giving and paying back thing. Some of the people she invited, i had never met before, but most of them were family friends that i had known since i was young, some even from when we were in the refugee camp.
We also needed to figure out who was coming on the friday tea ceremony at my place. because i didnt have enough room for everybody at my place at the same time, also because it was a friday work day.
So, as i have mentioned before, i get very over-whelmed being the center of attention, so this one was a hard one for me; public speaking is ranked one of the top 5 things people are afraid of, and i was one of those not so special snowflakes who is frightened of it.
the thing though is that at this point in my life, i want to be able to conquer my fears, i want to be able to tell people and maybe my future children that no matter how scary something may be, you can do it.
And it does take baby steps.
I had to do a speech for Tinas wedding (i mean, she asked and i said yes because i want to eventually get over my fears). and i stressed over it for a while, i wrote a little speech, something that i know i would be able to handle, and try not too hard to force anything, like, try not to force laughter or force tears from people. Just write something you can read out loud.
And i do this at work as well. i am so not comfortable asking people everyday, every minute, customer after customer, how their day is, because i hate people making small talk to me when they serve me, like.. leave me the fuck alone, i know you dont care about my day. but i told myself that i have to change before i started working, and have to talk to people, i just hated “how are you?” because it just sounded so fake and not genuine. So i told myself that i would try to sound more genuine when i ask people, but i’m pretty mono-toned, so i guess it still comes off fake. But my point to this is that it just takes baby steps, first was to ask how people are, then was to focus on making eye contact with people. Next was to try and smile at babies/children. etc etc.
Anyways, so i wanted to do a speech, i also wanted to incorporate as many people in the bridal party/our friends into the wedding as possible so i asked if Gillian and Tina were able to do a reading and write a little speech as well, and for the reception i got Ajay, Lana, Tommy and Seth to write a speech.
i also asked my parents but they are too shy, and Nathans dad did a speech as well.
They all went really well.
It didnt take me too long to write my speeches, but it took Nathan forever to write his one, soo long that Scott and i ended up writing most of his speech for him.
Heres my wedding vows.
Nathan, My best friend, my partner in crime and now my husband. We have come such a long way together, and I still cannot believe how things turned out for the both of us. Through the years, I had come to the realisation that things happen for a reason, and our entire relationship proves that that is true. After the darkness comes dawn. And you are my rainbow after the storm. I love you for everything that you are, and cannot imagine my life without you.
I promise to try to be as supportive as I can and be there by your side with every step you take in life, and continue to push you to being the best person you can be.
I will continue to cook you yummy food and keep you healthy and I will continue to be completely adorable when you get angry at me so that you have no option than to forgive me.
And most of all, I will hold you when it feels like the whole world has let you down, and love you when you forget how to love yourself.
On this day, I give you my heart, My promise, That I will walk with you, Hand in hand, Wherever our journey leads us.
I wanted something short and simple. I got teary when reading it.. so i almost cried like a bitch again.
This was Nathans vows.
I’ve had a crush on you since I can remember, all those long nights we spent talking to each other until early dawn when the sun would rise and you would finally start to go to bed, I never wanted to say goodbye, and wish we could talk forever. I’m excited to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m endlessly grateful that I’ve been lucky enough to be there for you when you needed me. Had our paths not crossed, I would have never been granted the privilege of being able to be here today with you.
I thank you for your brutal honesty with me from day one. Though never holding back out of care and love for me, you have motivated me to see my areas for growth, and to get up and chase my dreams.
Before anything else you are first and foremost, my best friend. Most importantly though, you are the love of my life and my heart swells with pride and joy whenever the thought of your smile enters my head. When you came into my life, never could I have imagined feeling as happy, loved and inspired as I do today as I stand here before you.
I have grown and bettered myself so much as a person as a direct result of your kindness, love and support.
It makes me infinitely happy that we can just be ourselves with each other. Every day I fall in love all over again with your adorable cuteness and I feel free to let my inner child out around you without fear of judgement.
I promise to stay by your side, regardless of what life throws at us. I promise to keep our lives full of fun & adventure. I promise to try my best everyday, to be the best person that i can be, to make you happy, and be there for you when you need me the most. I promise to be there with you when life is exciting, and when it gets a little boring. But most importantly, I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever.
He had written a whole speech that.. to be honest, wasnt that great. he sent it to Scott and he re-worded everything for Nathan, explaining everything Nathans wanted to say into something more understandable. then i went in with Nathan and helped him adjust anything to make it more “him”. But when i was reading through it i got really teary cause Scotts words are so nice, i was just thinking “AWWW SCOTTT!!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET!!!!!”
I got Tina to read out this reading that i found.
In the art of Marriage the little things are the big things –
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say ‘I love you.’ at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together to face the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right partner – It is being the right partner.
I really admire the relationship that Tina and Daryl have, and i could say the same for Nathan too, so i thought she would be perfect to stand up and speak about love and friendship because she and Daryl are our inspirations for love.
I then got Gilly to read out a bit from the bible.
Love is always patient and kind;
It is never jealous;
Love is never boastful or conceited;
It is never rude or selfish;
It does not take offence, And is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure In other people’s faults But delights in the truth;
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope.
It is always ready to endure whatever comes.
Finally, true love does not come to an end.
Its the cliche reading, over-done, over used. But regardless of that, i still find it beautiful and true.
Gill made me watch “A walk to remember” with her when we were in high school, and that was what stuck with me from the movie.
i may not follow the bible, but i appreciate religion in all forms, and sometimes they can teach you something simple if you let it.
I had written mine one night while Nathan and i were in the car to pick Anya up from her house, we were listening to my playlist, and the song “Canon in D” came on, and its a song that i’ve loved for such a long time, that it makes me feel super emotional when i listen to it, i get into this trance with it.
Anyways, so i ended up writing most of my reception speech there.
Two years ago, My life changed; and when it changed, while talking to a friend, I had a realisation, and that was that I have never felt unloved, and I don’t think I will ever feel unloved. I tell myself all the time that I am such a lucky person, not because I drive the nicest cars, live in a mansion, or have all the material goods that I want. But because I am surrounded by love. So I wanted to thank everyone for showing me that no matter how terrible things can be sometimes, that I am still loved.
I wanted to thank my girlfriends, the beautiful girls in white today, And I wanted to thank my wonderful guy friends too, you know who you are. There’s that saying about being able to count all your true friends on one hand.. or something like that, but that saying isn’t true for me because I am so lucky to be able to have so many wonderful and different friendships. I wish I could stand here and thank you all individually, but I would be here forever. I wouldn’t be who I am today without each one of them. Thank you for being with me every step of the way, for letting me be me and for loving me when I didn’t love myself.
Thank you to Ajay and Lana, My maid of honours, for listening to my complain about everything for the past 19 years. They have literally been there through everything, every embarrassing moment of my life.
I also wanted to thank Nathans Best friends, Tommy and Seth, and all his other friends too. They are the reason why I got with Nathan in the first place.. Not because they were egging us on or anything, but because Nathans friendship with his friends is so genuine, There is an unspoken love between them, a trust that many people would love to have had in their lifetime. And it made me sure i wanted to be with him. Nathan wouldn’t be who he is without them. Thank you to my brother for being my best friend, For always being funny, and never complaining that I was the spoilt child in the family. And thank you to my parents who have shown me love all my life. For keeping me safe and protected as much as they could, but for also letting my go when I needed to fly. For letting me be as weird and crazy as I am and for loving my unconditionally.
And I guess I have to thank my New husband. We’ve been friends for over a decade now, And we use to stay up very late talking to each other, he was always flirting with me, and I was oblivious to it, he would tell me how he was such a cool guy, and how awesome he was at all these things.. and I wasn’t into that. But He was my best friend and I was going to love him regardless of all the lame things he was telling me about himself. One of my friends even told me that I should date him, and I told them.. Noooooo… that is never going to happen… and guess what happened! I’m now married to that lame guy. But to be honest, when I actually got to know him, and I’m guessing this goes to a lot of my friends too who got to know him since his moved down here. I realised that he is actually very gentle and sweet, completely opposite to what I thought he was.
When we started dating, it was only about 2 weeks in that I knew he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I am very very lucky to have him in my life.
And lastly. I wanted to thank you all for coming today and sharing this special moment with us.
I wanted to add much more, but it was already getting too long. but i wanted to thank the girls individually, and i just much much more.
Nathan had a hard time writing his one too because he also wanted to thank everybody. but we didnt want to take too long. We wanted to show off the little bit of Vietnamese Nathan knew, and make fun of my mum at the same time to get the crowd a little more excited since they would’ve sat through 5 speeches before his one.
Sinh chao everybody, Co kheo khong?? I am Dep trai, Me (mum) over there (point to her) me say im number one!
Hi everyone, I’d like to thank you all for coming to celebrate our wedding with us tonight.
I knew this day would come one day, but I had never thought I would be here marrying the girl I’ve had a crush on for the last 10 years, I had to wait 10 years to be with you.
I wish Goong Goong and Por Por were here to have met you, because I know they would have loved you too. you remind me of them a lot, they were always accepting of others, and taught me to be happy with who I am.
I wish I could’ve thanked them more while they were alive, for loving me unconditionally and for teaching me my core values in life.
Dad, Thank you for bringing me up and directing me onto the right path, You gave me a solid foundation to be the man I am today. Even though we’ve clash sometimes, I know your intentions were always positive. I never understood the reasons why you used to be so strict with me in the past, but I do now, and because of that, I’ve become a stronger man.
And to Nhats parents, ca mern me ba. I wish I knew more Vietnamese so I could be able to thank them for everything they have done for me in the short amount of time I have known them.
Thank you for taking me in, and treating me as your own. People always warned me about how bad “in laws” are going to be, but i always tell them that my in laws are the best.
Thank you to all the beautiful bridesmaids today for all your help, and kindness.
I’d like to say a big thank you to my two best men, Tommy and Seth. It was really hard to choose between the both of them for who I wanted as my best man,
but since Nhat had two maid of honours, I thought I’d promote them both to best men. They are complete opposites, but at the same time, they are also so similar.
Tommy, you have always motivated me and have gotten me to do things I wouldn’t have done otherwise, You’re always looking out for my best interests. And I could always rely on you with any of my worries at any time of the day. You are a big influence to my life, and my life would be different without you.
Seth, You are everything that tommy isn’t, like having guts to speak freely without concern of what others may think. You are so down to earth, and you remind me to relax and enjoy the simpler things in life. even after months of not seeing each other, we could always crack open a beer by the poolside and talk about anything.
Most importantly I would like to thank my now wife, Nhat for all the years of friendship we’ve had, for always being supportive and brutally honest…. Brutally honest…. Thanks for putting up with my hungry moods, for always winning my heart with your delicious cooking and for all the generosity you’ve shown me and everybody around you. I love that you can just be you, and not be ashamed of it; and actually encouraging me and everyone else to just be themselves.
Whilst I’m up here, I’d like to thank the wonderful photographer and videographer from The Wedding Gallery, DJ Mike Hyper, The MC Voung Nguyen, Décor-a-shaan, Hairly for the beautiful candy buffet, Shirley for the yummy cake on the candy buffet and the guys running this venue right now. All of their information should be at the Candy buffet if you are interested. And wanted to thank my beautiful wife for organizing this whole event, and hand making everything else you see.
It all went really well, and im proud of myself.
My goal is maybe one day, i could do a tedtalk or something along those lines of being able to stand up in front of all these strangers and talk.
Gonna make this short, cause everything else is already super long.
Scott – Because we were getting married on the friday with a celebrant, we wanted one of our close friends to marry us on the Saturday at the park. And so we asked Scott. He was perfect, He was well spoken, he helped us so much with so many things, and he was just amazing in every way. We were so happy we had him not only be at our wedding, but be a part of it as well.
Airbnb. i wanted the first time Nathan saw me on the Saturday to be when i walk down the aisle, because Nathan lived with me here in Sydney since moving down from Brisbane, we needed to find a place. Sydney Airbnb are pretty expensive. but we managed to find a reasonable one at Cabramatta.
I cant remember anything else to be honest.
The Drama. The Problems.
I cant think of anything else at the moment that didnt have drama behind it, so here we go.
We had a few little dramas with the guest list.
One was whether or not i should invite my ex best friend. So, her and i were close in high school, and we had a falling out, and now we aren’t friends, but we aren’t enemies, we aren’t even acquaintances, but my brother is her brothers best friend, and my family are still close to her family, and everybody from our old high school group was invited, i didn’t want to leave her out or make her feel crappy or anything. She didnt end up coming, which i guess was a good thing, because i had also forgot that there were a few people that went that had beef with her. But it didn’t bother me if she came or not, it would be cool that all of us from high school would be in the same room together again, but that has not happened since high school, and i guess probably would never happen.
So after the Tea Ceremony, everybody left and i was left alone to do my hair, which i wanted to do.. BUT! the problem i had was the bleach i had did not work!!!!!!!!!!!! it had already oxidized and it was now useless. so here i am… calling Nathan to ask him what i should do?! should i just leave my hair black and do to the wedding with black hair?! but… thats not me… and it doesnt go with anything i planned!
so i had to run to woolies, and buy some box dyes…. by the time i finished, it got much later than i intended. and i couldnt finish putting colour into my hair properly, so the shade of pink i had for my hair wasnt the shade of pink i wanted. and because of the box bleaches, the dye was all patchy too.
So my mistake was worrying about everything else when i should have checked if i had working bleach or not.
In the end, it doesnt matter anyways cause the flower crown covered most of the patchy areas.
Another problem i only saw after the wedding was my chest. Not a major problem though, but it wouldve been nicer.
I should’ve worn a bigger bra for my Vietnamese dress instead of just the chicken fillets. because the dress was so heavy, it pushed my chest down, and so i don’t look as curvy as i would like. eps because the dress itself has a lot of straight lines.
And for my white bridal dress, i didnt alter it tight enough, so i pulled the dress up higher because i was too scared of revealing my chicken fillets… and because of that, it looks like im flat chested with Madonna bras sticking out.
I know its nothing too concerning, and its nothing anybody would notice, its just, i felt like i had wasted such beautiful dresses not wearing it properly to their fullest.
We had a drama when it came to our family. As we all do i guess..
My mum kept telling me what do because she listened to her friends, told me to get an MC for the night, which i was really hoping just one of my friends would do instead. but i am glad i ended up getting an MC anyways, but, we got the MC so that her friends could be entertained, but they were barely listening anyways, so what was the point. She told me to get a band because her friends said to get a band, because thats what you needed to do at a wedding.. eventually, her friend then said that we didnt need a band, and she told me not to get one, and i told her “You never listen to me, you always listen to your friends”.
There were so many more things she told me to do, not because she cared, because she doesnt!! but because her friends said she needed it.
We had problems with Nathans Dad. but i wont get into that our of respect. (not playing favorites with his family, but because we eventually sorted things out peacefully)
We also had problems with my dad, which i also wont get into.
We had problems with Nathans mum and sister. His mum said she couldn’t make it to the wedding because she cant fly due to an aneurysm she had a few years ago, so she didnt go. Which Nathan was angry about because he even told her that he would take a week off work, and drive there to get her, and drive her down here.
Then we had problems with his sister, who asked if she could bring her partner that Nathan doesn’t like (because She told us, that he told her that he could do better than her. Red Flags) But anyways, she loves him and so we invited him.
She eventually told us that he couldnt make it because “it wasnt worth his time”.
Then we kept asking if she was going to come, but she never replies. Nathan gets Snapchats from her, but no reply to “are you coming to our wedding”.
EVENTUALLY! she said she could only make it to the Friday and not the Saturday. We asked why. No replies again.
We had told them ages in advance. She eventually.. im saying eventually heaps because these are weeks apart..
she said that she couldn’t be at the reception on Saturday, just Friday and Saturday morning.
He kept asking why, why did she need to be home in Brisbane at 6pm for. What was more important than your own brothers wedding?
She never told us why. And told their dad that it was because she had concert tickets she got a year ago. But we dont believe it, she posts everything onto social media, but nothing about this apparent concert.
She then complained that Nathan didn’t help her out with finding accommodation and travel. the last time she was in Sydney for work for a few months, she asked Nathan to pick her up from the airport and take her to the place she was staying, and it took him hours to do so, because we live an hour from the airport, it took another hour or so to go to St Leonard, then another hour and a half home from there. Because she said that no one could pick her up from there because they weren’t home.. but when Nathan got there, they were home. and asked why she didnt just take the train like they said. And legit, after that, we never saw her..
That wasnt the part that bothered us, because well, Nathan and i are always busy, We were busy getting prepared for our engagement, as well as everything else. Nathan was working a job with a 2 hour commute each way, and so he literally never had time for anything.
But when she left, their mum told Nathan off for not “looking after his little sister while she was in Sydney”, But she barely replied, and she never came to any events we held.
Anyways, cut back to the wedding. she was asking Nathan how to get from the ceremony to the airport, and Nathan got angry because google is at the touch of our hands..
If i could figure out how to get around in Thailand, a foreign country, which speak mainly Thai that i don’t know any of, then she could figure out how to get around here in her own country.
Anyways, so she ended up leaving after the ceremony… Nothing we can do. but man, its probably one of the most annoying thing that happened at our wedding. If Ajay or Lana couldn’t be at my wedding because they had something “better” to do, than i would just fucking stop having them in my life. Because who the fuck would do that to family.
Anyways, Continuing. His brothers couldn’t be there, and Nathan wanted them there the most.. and Nathan was so sad about it for ages, not angry, just sad. I had to tell him that its forgivable because they are still young, they are just hitting puberty now, so its not something that they are completely in control over. Plus, after the wedding ceremony, what would they be doing at the reception??
So it was okay that they couldn’t make it. But hopefully, We can spend more time with them as the years go by.
Ah. Quite a bit of drama here too…
But im not going to get too into it because there is no point.
Stella couldnt make it to the wedding, because she had an ear infection in thailand, and i’ve flown with an ear infection domestically before, it was horrible. so she didnt risk a 9 hour flight.
Thuy couldnt be a bridesmaids because of certain issues, but im not at all angry at her, it was something that couldnt be helped, but she was wonderful and she was there and happy for us.
Christina couldnt make it to the ceremony because she was organising her sisters birthday on that day… then left early for the reception cause she had something else to do..
And Andelka and i drifted.
Money is always a problem. We were having a tough time because during the time, Nathan was working at cash converters and he had some camera lens come in that he could buy for a shit ton less than we could ever imagine. and so we bought them, we were trying to balance buying things for our business and the wedding at the same time, and it was really tough with all these lens coming in. Who can pass up a +$2000 lens for $600.. No one would!!!
BUT! in the end, after working everything out, everything we got from the wishing well included too, we were able to pay everything off with our own money 🙂
Our parents did give us some money, but we didnt need to touch that, so im pretty happy with it. yay, adulting!
Nathans New JOB!
So Nathan got a new job at CBA literally just before the wedding, and it was only a 3 month contract that he was scared. So because of this, i told him not to take any days off before the wedding, instead Courtney and Britt helped me our on the Thursday before the wedding, and everybody else helped out prior to that. but because of this, he got a bit depressed because everyone else if doing the jobs he should be doing, he didnt feel like he was involved in his own wedding.
What would i do differently?
I would make sure that i had two photographers. Make it known what types of photos i wanted. have a fucking mood board for it because i forgot during the day.
we should have rehearsed with Scott. but again, we were all sooo busy.
I should’ve told Nathan to take a few more days off his job before hand to get ready.
i would’ve just not bothered with some of the girls that i knew were flaky.
i should’ve planned to leave for Melbourne a day after we left so that Nathan could rest. and we could spend time with the people who helped us through the whole ordeal.
I shouldve been more prepared for Shirleys cake, i didnt bring any knives, or plates or spoons, and no one got to enjoy it 😦 or at least, given the kitchen the cake to cut up for everybody.
i shouldnt have bothered making dessert cups. they all got thrown out.
Was it all worth it???
If you were to ask me if i recommend whether or not you should have a wedding, or if i would ever do it again, i would say “HELL NO!”
Weddings cost so much, and its just such a fake show.
I’ll tell you the nasty truth that no one ever tells you. But that after Nathan and i got married, we felt deflated, and we stopped trying as hard as we usually do with each other. We came home from work and argued with each other and we just stopped being in this happy place. And the thing is, its not just me and Nathan, i asked around and everybody has their own stories of a similar nature.
People often say that things change after you’re married, i thought that was so stupid, why did things need to change just because of a piece of paper, or because of a ring, or a title change..
But i dont think thats what changes, i think its the mentality we get. we start thinking about “THIS is who im going to spend the rest of my life with?!”, This person who snors a lot, who leaves their socks all over the floors, and who doesnt clean up after themselves?? (im not complaining about Nathan, those are my bad habits lol my tiny socks are everywhere!!). With any small negative thing that happened, we start questioning, “is this what i want to live with for the rest of my life”, most of the time, they are so small you over-looked them before you got married, or you thought that maybe after marriage, things would change, things would get better, people would change for the better.
Jerin told me that a spark it ignites when you do something new with your partner, and marriage, to most people, thats a new thing, its exciting, it brings on all sorts of emotions, and you get to share that wonderful experience with your partner. But once thats over, we’re all back to reality, we take off our wedding goggles and we see who we are married to as they really are.
another thing that we romanticise about is that regardless of what wrongs we do, that our partners would forgive us and love us forever because that is what they said on their vows during the wedding. That’s when the complacency comes to play, and we stop trying, maybe i wont need to shower this week because my husband would love me regardless of how i smell, or maybe i’ll just stop my diet because he said he would love me even if i got fat, i mean sure, they will still love you, but it doesnt mean you should let yourself go. We have this perception of “happily ever after”, At the end of every love story, they live happily ever after, that’s it. But its not true, that isn’t the end of the story, that’s the beginning of another story.
the problems Nathan and I have stems back from Nathans past, something that he needed to work on alone, something marriage wasn’t going to fix and get rid of. His realization of his perfect life didn’t help take away the pain he felt in his past. I was at a loss, because a part of me didnt want to be there to help him deal with it, because i was afraid that what if he was never going to get over it, We are selfish as humans, and i didnt want to get out of a life that i felt trapped in, into another one. so thats honestly what was going through my mind.
But i am now his partner. And we are slowly working on everything together. It will be tough some days, but if we dont give up on each other, i think we will make it out alive.
We are extremely happy, and i am very lucky to be able to marry my best friend, but i am admitting to you, that i understand that a marriage is not a walk in the park, it takes a lot of work, for the rest of your life.
So if you’re planning to get married, understand that if your relationship was rocky before the marriage, be sure that after you get married, it will still be rocky. If your personal life needs a pick me up, getting married isnt going to do that. the burdens you carry before it will carry over into it. If you have daddy issues, marrying the perfect guy isnt going to get rid of those daddy issues! If you have money issues, fuck, dont get married!!
But im not saying the whole “dont get married, you’ll ruin your life” shit that soo many people have told us as a joke when they heard we were getting married.
honest sincere love does not need to be proven in that way.
Was it worth it??
At the end of the day, we made our families happy. And i got to marry my best friend.
And i can actually say that and mean it because he was literally my best friend. We spent more time talking than i did with any of my girlfriends (not all combined cause obviously they outweigh just the one of him)
Happiness is all that i need.
Fuck that was long.